The Wildhairgirl

Guess who's in Las Vegas this week?

2011-07-10T23:47:00.000-07:00

So I'm in Las Vegas this week for work. Just being able to come on this trip required a bit of haggling on my part but now I'm here and thinking about what I can do to make this trip more fun. Since I found out that I'd be coming to this convention, I've been very concerned about having to hang out with my co-workers. While my co-workers are nice enough, we couldn't be more different; my team is all male, all married and in general boring. Even with a private room, it's going to be hard to do my usual Vegas thing- dressing slutty, getting drunk, making out with strangers.

Combine me being in Vegas with the fight I recently had with Germany- yes, I'm still seeing him even though the last time I posted, I talked about leaving him- and nothing with time on my hands, I'm sure there will be some good stories to post. Today starts the adventure.

Starting to get bored

2011-03-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

For almost a year now, I've been seeing a married German man. While I appreciate his charming accent, willingness to pick up the tab and gentle manner, I'm starting to get bored. I love knowing that I can make suggestions to do stuff and he always says yes but I hate having to work within the schedule. Two days out of the week we spend the night together and act like teenage lovers but in exchange for that time together, I have deal with phone calls from the wife, conversations about the wife and the kid. In general I don't like to date or be involved with men that have kids and/or a wife- it's just an annoyance I don't want to deal with. Our plans have been canceled on more than one occasion due to the kid- so fucking annoying.

So for the last few weeks I've been thinking about telling Germany that our time together is over. Now understand that I'm no silly girl who thinks he's going to leave his wife for me. I have never thought that but I just didn't realize how much of a drag it would be to deal with someone who's not truly free. I'm not sure if now is the right time, although I'm sure there's no good or easy time to say goodbye but I need to make a change. I should also work on getting some guys lined up so I can follow a great piece of advice about break ups: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.

Sex in the bathroom

2011-01-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I've decided to start the year by talking about the most exciting sexual thing I did all of last year. Now, to narrow it down to one thing over an entire year is a big task but when I think about how exciting it was every time it happened, well I knew there could only be one answer.

Once I decided to take a chance on seeing a married man (Germany), it turned out that he was just like what I'd heard about married men on TV and in articles - starved for attention, open to just about anything and willing to pay for everything. His sexual appetite was insatiable, his willingness to please me seemed without limit and his was always full of compliments. Since we work relatively close to each other, we'd meet after work for dinner and drinks. I usually chose the places we'd meet at and one day I decided to meet at a hotel bar. I like hotel bars- they seem full of possibilities; with people meeting for one time or on going trysts. It's a very anonymous place considering it's often full.

Germany and I meet at Hotel Delaney and begin enjoying some drinks. He has asked me not to wear panties and I willingly agree. As we're enjoying drinks, Germany asks me to warm up the cherry in his drink by putting it inside of me. We continue to drink and make out like teenagers and after a few minutes, I give him his cherry back- all nice and warm. We've been in the bar about two hours and now I'm a little drunk and horny. We decide to leave so we can get back to his place and fuck. On our way out, I tell him that I need to use the bathroom.

We get downstairs to the bathroom and notice that no one around. I enter the women's bathroom and it's completely empty. I go back to the door and grab Germany and lead him into the stall at the end. The large handicap stall was perfect for what we had in mind. Up until this point, I'd never had sex in a public bathroom. The combination of drinks, arousal and general excitement was overwhelming! As luck would have it, Germany had just bought a new box of condoms and they were in his briefcase which he had with him.

I pulled up my dress and pull down Germany's pants. As Germany fumbles around to get a condom, I give him a blow job. He pulls out the condom and I put it in my mouth and push it over his dick, while he fingers me. While we're trying to find a position that works for both of us- my back against the wall, his back against the wall, pressed in a corner, balancing on the rail, etc- someone comes into the bathroom. We immediately have to be quiet and wait until this lady leaves the bathroom. After she flushes the toilet, I hear her walking towards our stall but she doesn't come all the way over. I don't know if she saw 4 feet under the door or if she was just trying to get a better look at herself. At any rate, she walked out and we got back at it.

Finally we find a position that works- facing the corner, I grab my ankles and he enters me from behind. Germany is slapping my ass and going to town on me. It's so exciting and feels great and we both come in an explosion. After the sex, I finally get to go to the bathroom- in all the excitement I had forgotten to go. We leave the bathroom with no one seeing us.

Since that first time, we have gone back three times to use that stall. Luckily we space out our trips to the hotel, so no one knows we go there just to fuck in the bathroom.

Surprise I'm married

2010-12-19T20:04:00.000-08:00

A few months back I started seeing a German man. We met via CL and he is the one who bought me a bra. So he turned out to be much nicer than I expected and we began seeing each other more often; I was still seeing other people. About two months into seeing Germany, he casually mentions to me that he's married. Now I'm not trying to be morally superior to anyone but I'd rather not be involved with a married man. I just don't need the grief and I don't like worrying about being caught, followed or called by someone's wife.

Germany said he felt like he needed to be honest about his home life- you know, the wife, the kid. Up until this point we were just having a good time, now I had to make a decision about seeing someone who has what I consider a no on list. So after getting him to buy me dinner to explain his position, I decided to continue to see him. What swayed me you ask? My desire to do something I hadn't done before; I'd never knowingly been involved with a married man. After getting this sage advise "his wife is exactly that, his problem", I decided to go for it. I mean, a girl's gotta have some adventure.

No pubes at the pool

2010-10-05T23:09:00.000-07:00

In general I could care less about what people think about me. This whatever attitude has served me well and in some instances, gotten me in trouble. So recently I've been trying to come to terms with my growing sense of self consciousness when I go to the pool.

Like just about every woman alive, I'm trying to lose weight. So I've been going to the public pool by my job to get some exercise. Generally I go during lunch or before work; it's less crowded and I can get in and get out. The only downsize to this is that the crowd tends to be much older than those that come after work. By now, I'm sure you're thinking "so what?". Well the so what issue is that I don't have any pubes.

A few months back, I went some place new to get a bikini wax. Due to a misunderstanding between me and the waxer, I found myself with a completely bald vagina. I learned an important lesson that day, you can't say "get rid of it" to someone who's job it is to remove hair. While it was happening, I kept thinking "she'll ask how far I want to go with this" but she never did. Then before I knew it, she was pulling the hair right off the on top of the lip on side. I protested but what could I do, she had to make it even. So I grit my teeth and prepared for the other side to be made bald.

Since then, I've come to like the way this bald pussy looks and feels. And naturally it's a hit with everyone who's seen it. But back to my problem. After my swim and shower in the locker room, I find myself wondering if the other ladies in there are judging me for my lack of pubes. It's an especially big issue on Fridays when I swim before work and am waiting behind everyone in the old lady water aerobics class. I see many of these ladies on a real basis but none of them are very friendly. I like to think it's just because they're old but it could be their judgement. I probably should learn to let it go but I'm always wondering. . .

A little too late

2010-09-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

Since I hadn't been writing the blog every few weeks like I want to, I have a story that happened last Halloween but hasn't been told on this blog. But you know Blanche says, "better late than pregnant!"

On Halloween I had no plans for the evening. My daytime plans changed to include Mick, an old man that I'd hooked up with once before. Now when I say he's old, I mean he's old- 52! When I met him, I didn't think he was that old. I thought he was about 45 but when he told me he was 52 I was shocked; he's in great shape and has the energy of a man half his age. Our first time together was spent with over 4 hours with lots of hot sweaty sex. I was definitely interested in seeing him again.

I stopped seeing Mick when he told me he was seeing someone seriously. About 2-3 months past and then he called me out of the blue to get together. In that time between that first exciting, sweaty experience and the last meeting, something had changed. While he did eat me out like I like and had a lot of pep, I just wasn't into it. And seeing him again after those months away, I wondered if I was high when we met. After the sex, I couldn't leave fast enough. I thanked him for the time together and didn't look back. It's nice when you realize you're past something or someone.

Valentines Day-Boo

2010-02-19T23:27:00.000-08:00

This year Valentine's day came and went without much fanfare. With no valentine and not one booty call worth spending time with, I spent the day eating candy and watching tv. Not at all glamorous but more satisfying than last year. In case you don't remember, I spent Valentine's day 2009 with Terry who couldn't have been more uninterested in doing anything. I wouldn't have had any candy that day if I hadn't bought him a box. Hell even my perpetually single friend Jane had made plans for the day.

So on a day that was supposed to be filled with love and sex, my day was filled with chocolates and bad movies. I don't feel bad about how the day turned out; I had a day's worth of sex on Friday. Actually I didn't even think about the lack of valentine until Monday when several of my co-workers asked me how I spent the day and then I had to tolerate their looks when I said I didn't do anything. I couldn't tell if they were shocked that I did nothing or disappointed that I did nothing.

Oh well, there's always next year.

Getting what I want

2010-01-15T15:57:00.000-08:00

I know in previous posts that I've mentioned that I like to use Craigslist like the ultimate wishing well. I was in need of a new bra but didn't have any money. Now you may be thinking what's the big deal it's a bra? Well as a girl with really big boobs, bras in my size are not cheap. In particular, I like a specific brand of bras from Belgium- PrimaDonna. They feel like someone is holding my breasts with their hands! So to me, it's totally worth the $100 plus they cost.

So I placed an ad on CL asking someone to buy me a bra and in exchange they could see me pick it out, help me try it and if I'm feeling it, we could fool around after we purchased the bra. Seemed like a win-win situation; I get a new bra and some stranger gets to see my breasts. Naturally there were about 25 people who wanted to buy me a bra. It was very hard to choose just one person. I didn't have to pick just one- hell I had chosen 5 0r 6 guys would fit the bill.

So my plan was to get a few new bras; one isn't really enough anyway. Around the same time my iPhone was stolen out of my purse, so I was thinking of getting extra bras and returns some of them to have enough money to buy a new phone. Many of the responses made me laugh but ultimately I chose an older German man. He turned out to be a great choice. He didn't blink when the bill for the bra came- $129 and it was a beautiful red lacy bra. There weren't any matching panties, so I couldn't get them as well.

Since I found him so fun, I took him back to my house and he didn't leave until 4 hours later! For a man of 46, I was surprised at his level of energy. We made plans to get together again. So once he left and after my nap, I started looking for someone else to buy me another bra.

Can I get a houseboy?

2010-01-08T00:06:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if mentioned that when I was in grad school, I worked as a dominatrix for 6 months. I saw the job post in the back of a free local newspaper and called the ad because I thought it was a joke. I went down and met the lady who managed the place and she told me to come back the next day to shadow some of the other ladies who worked there. Since I'm a naturally dominate person, this job was pretty easy. It was a little awkward at first but then it was easy. And this was a job that paid cash at the end of the day. On the downside, I was surrounded by a bunch of pervs all day and I constantly worried about seeing those men outside.

So one of the perks of being a dominatrix, aside from being able to beat people when you're angry, is that you can get a houseboy. A houseboy is man who will do whatever you want in exchange for being punished. And as if that wasn't enough, you can force them to do things as well; maintain erections for long periods of time without release, working in the nude, giving massages, etc.

I've had three houseboys in the past and in all instances I found them to be a lot of work. Since there can be a sexual component with a houseboy, I won't keep one when I'm seeing someone. But about a month ago, I looked around my house and thought "who the hell is going to clean this mess?" Enter Craigslist and the search for a houseboy begins. I know from past experience that I have to clearly state what I'm looking for and that "this is not for everyone".

After aggressively screening all the replies, I decided to meet with a few potential houseboys. I figured the best way to meet them was one after another on the same day. And since I had spoken to all of them on the phone, I figured this would be nice and easy. Naturally I was late to meet the first guy, Jack but I called to say I would be late. Jack actually had placed an ad of his own looking for a Dom. He was tall, thin, attractive and very southern. We had a natural repoire and if it wasn't because I had two other people to meet after him, I'm sure we would have spent more time together. The next guy was exactly the kind of weirdo you'd think would be interested in being a houseboy. Tim looked like Dieter except he was blonde and I had to keep reminding him to look me in the face; avoiding eye contact with the Dom is standard behavior for submissives. I met the last guy, Rob, at a Starbucks about a mile from my house and he was just like the dad on Modern Family and basically happy that someone was listening to him.

I decided to have Jack over for an audition, where he would do some task for me and we could see if we'd be a good match. Upon arriving, he made me a drink and then I had him remove all of his clothes so I could inspect him. As he looked at the floor, I made comments about his body and then asked him why he was not rock hard even though we had agreed this would be part of our arrangement. In order to help with this, I grabbed his very large dick quite firmly and demanded that he become aroused. While I was waiting for his full arousal, I had him move some furniture around in my living room. When I noticed that he wasn't fully aroused, I hit his dick with a riding crop. This would have continued had I not noticed that I managed to break a blood vessel or two. Because now there were some spots on this dick. So we ended our time there. It was an awkward ending but considering he broke two of my glasses, I felt like we were even.

Jack got dressed and then offered me some weed. Naturally I said yes. Now when I'm getting high, there are very few things I like to do. I like to sit on the couch, watch funny movies, eat snacks or my favorite thing, get laid. So here I am, high and very aroused but part of maintaining my control over Jack is to not have sex with him. Even though I really want to. He hung out for about an hour after our session and all I could think about was fucking him. But in light of the injury he sustained, it didn't seem like a good idea.

Since our first meeting was just before Xmas, getting together a second time was tricky. We texted a few times and talked on the phone. Then yesterday I sent Jack a text telling him to check his email because I had a task for him; writing an essay on why he should be my houseboy. About 30 minutes later, he sent me a text asking if I was free to talk. When he got on the phone, he sounded nervous and sad. He proceeded to tell me that his business has run into some problems and he needed to focus on that and can't give me the time that I require. He also said that he "couldn't satisfy me on many levels", which I thought was weird but I didn't really ask what that meant because I could tell that he had practiced this phone call. He asked if we could get together at a later date when his business wasn't so frantic and told me how great I was. He also said to contact him whenever I felt like talking which also seemed weird. I told him I was sad but I understood that you have to take care of your personal needs before you could handle someone else's. I suggested that we get together for a drink. I mean, just because he's not doing my dishes that doesn't that I shouldn't get to sleep with him.

So the news of him not being able to work for me has me bummed out. Even though I have met two other people who will be auditioning for me next week and I've found someone to serve as my personal pussy slave, Jack's departure is sad news for me. I guess I was already too attached to him, otherwise I wouldn't be so bothered. Hopefully Jack will be joining me at the Silent Porn Film Festival this weekend; we had planned on going together.

Back in the Saddle

2009-12-29T02:04:00.000-08:00

Note: I started this entry back in October but never finished it.

After an almost 4 month hiatus, I'm back to enjoying casual sex. About two weeks ago, I was lying in bed being sick and as horny as the day is long. Even though I felt terrible, I was only focused on one thing- getting laid. So at 7:30am, I proceeded to post my greatest Craigslist ad ever- "Lick me back to health". Since I wasn't feel that good, I was looking for someone who would eat me out to my heart's contention or until I was "healthy". LOL. Naturally as a woman, my post garnered over 200 responses and those responses included everything from: offers of tea, chicken noodle soup, warm homes and massages to help regain my health. Ultimately I chose an old man (white hair, wrinkly skin, gray pubes).

He wasn't as good looking as his photo and that photo must have been 10-15 years old. In the picture he looked like a handsome older man, in reality he looked like a tired old man. But I was already there and horny, so I decided to let him eat me out anyway. He did a pretty good job and then asked if we could have sex. Now bear in mind that this guy was old and pasty looking but I said yes anyway-I was already there. I wasn't into it and luckily for me, we couldn't get it to work out. Between his lack of practice- I'm guessing- and my lack of arousal, it just wasn't happening. Unfortunately for me, he wanted to cuddle and I wanted to leave.

After a short time of cuddling and talking, I was able to leave. I told him I was starting to feel really bad and needed to get back home to my bed. He thanked me for coming over and offered his services any time I wanted; naturally I haven't called him since.

But the ad wasn't a total bust. I met a decent looking older (52 but looks 45) doctor who has the energy of a man half his age. Our first meeting resulted in me being eaten out properly and 3 go rounds. I have seen that guy twice since that first meeting.

No luck in Vermont

2009-09-24T22:16:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago, I went to a friend's wedding in Vermont. Now for a girl who likes to get piece and get out, I love weddings. So whenever people invite me to their wedding, I always go and my favorite weddings are destination weddings. This was my second destination wedding, the first one was in Jamaica. I used to work with the bride and had never met her fiance (now husband) before. I had missed the engagement party and the bachelorette party, so missing the wedding was out of the question. Not to mention, when's the next time I'd have an opportunity to go to Vermont? And just so you know, it looks just like it does in pictures; really green and full of quaint buildings.

I went to the wedding alone, so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to get try my hand at a great wedding tradition- picking up someone at the wedding. Since none of the guests lived in Vermont, I figured this would be easy picking. I get to the wedding just before it starts but I look great, so it was worth the wait. I look around at the guests and to see if there's any cuties in the group, so I know where to focus my energies. I can't tell who's paired up but once the service is over and the cocktail hour begins, I'll plot my attack. After the service- it was nice-the cocktail hour starts and I'm looking for my evening's entertainment.

After 3 drinks, it becomes painfully clear that I'm not going to be hooking up with anyone. The best looking people at this event are the two lesbians and they came together! Now I'm not opposed to picking up lesbians but that wasn't what I was looking for. So I proceeded to enjoy lots of free drinks to get the taste of the crappy meal out of my mouth. Even with 5 to 6 drinks under my belt, no one looked worth the effort. I had been looking forward to getting laid with someone I'd never see again but I had no luck in Vermont.

Life's little problems

2009-09-05T18:25:00.000-07:00

Let me start by apologizing for waiting almost a month since my last post. There's no reason why I couldn't make a post- hell I've been trying to have at least 3 posts per month. Well with a new month, I can only strive to do better.

So right now I'm working on 2 months without getting laid. It's not like there have been some people volunteering to help me. But I just haven't wanted to be bothered with them. Although in the last week, I received an email and a text from two people that I'd like to see again. Much of my lack of sex is because of my hesitation to do the necessary house cleaning-figuratively and literally.

One of the volunteers who has made himself available to me is Ed. He lives in Southern California and we met last year via Craigslist. We used to get together in parking lot stairwells and he'd finger my clit until I came. Then we'd go our separate ways. The last time he was in town, he asked me if we could get together for sex. At the time I was dating Terry, so I told him no. He's been in town for the past month and he's been wanting to get together. He's not cute enough for me to endure the bikini wax as well as clean my house. It would be a different story if he could host; he's staying with his parents, so hosting is not an option.

I'm hoping to hear from Jamie again. Unfortunately he has the uncanny ability to contact me when I'm on my period. I could call/email/text him but I don't feel like being bothered. I woke up this morning thinking that I should probably get the bikini wax in an effort to get me more motivated about getting laid. It's not like I'm not horny! I just being very lazy with no really good prospects on tap. So I think getting the waxing done will be the motivation I need. The total lack of hair provides me with extra sensitivity that will make me crazy until I get laid.

I'm going to a party tonight. With any luck I'll be able to make out with someone and maybe set something up for the rest of the holiday weekend. I went to a party last night and there wasn't anyone that cute there. Lots of nice people but I have plenty of friends, I need a fuck buddy to help shake off the cobwebs.

Ah laziness and cabana boys

2009-08-18T23:15:00.000-07:00

I'm struggling with getting back into the saddle. Luckily I have some volunteers to help me get it over the hump. But I don't feel like being bothered with having to do the work. Now I know that only Selma Hayek and Halle Berry don't have to do any work. This is a problem that I often suffer from. Honestly, it's something I battle with on all fronts of my life.

I'm also being plagued by phone calls from the guy I fucked in a field. I haven't had a chance to call him and to say stop calling me- you'd think he'd get it by now. Right now I don't feel like there's anyone I want to shave and clean my house for. Can't I just go to someone else's house and let them be worried about having a clean house? Jamie sent me a text the other day and I'm willing to do the shaving to see him-I get to go to his house, so I don't have to clean up. But I think he might have a girlfriend because he often has last minute change of plans. Even as I write this post, I'm a little drunk and extremely horny.

I got a hammock about a month ago and I love it! I recently put a post on Craigslist looking for a cabana boy. I got a shockingly low number of responses- about 25. Most of the applicants look acceptable but I'm faced with the reality of having to clean my house to make this happen. I'm going to try and use this as the motivation to be interested in getting laid. You know I want to get laid but I don't want to do anything to make that happen. Lame but I got through this cycle every so often. I'm sure the cabana boy that feeds me grapes and makes me cocktails will help immensely.

Back in the saddle

2009-08-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

Now that's its been over a week since I spoke with Terry, I need to take the advice I once got from my sister- the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. I was supposed to see Jamie last weekend but Mother Nature felt like reminding me that I'm not having kids this month. So just before I wrote this entry, I sent him a text to reschedule our play date for this week. I'm not sure how much energy I want to put into finding that someone to get under. Jamie is a good choice because I already know him, he's great in the sack and will happily host.

About a month ago I got the iPhone and I love it! While I was checking out all of the features on the phone, I started looking at all of my contacts. Among my contacts was a guy named Brad Brewmaster. I met this guy via Craigslist and he was looking for someone to sunbath with him at home. At the time, I was really just discovering my love of sunbathing in the nude; not that I need the extra color- I was blessed with golden brown skin. But the feeling of the sun on my naked body is too good to pass up. We got together twice, it would have been more but he lives on the outer edge of the bay area and I didn't feel like driving out there. He couldn't come to me because I don't have the privacy in my yard to sunbath in the nude. I guess he could have come over to get laid but his work schedule meant that I'd be waking up early.

The reason I even started talking about this is because I'm trying to decide if I should delete his phone number. I haven't talked to him in a year, so I'm wondering what's the statute of limitations on calling old booty calls? If anyone has an answer let me know. If I can find his email address, I might shoot him an email and see if he wants to get together.

I want to try and avoid Craigslist for a while but I don't want to take too long before getting laid. Right now it seems like a hassle to find that someone but once I get that laid, I'll be ready to rock and roll!

A drunken Sunday and other days

2009-07-22T00:02:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago I was leaving a house warming party where I'd had several cocktails. Being in no condition to drive, I decided to get a burrito to try and sop up the booze. After the burrito, I was less drunk but still pretty tipsy and feeling frisky. Since I hadn't officially ended things with Terry, I started by calling him. I knew that even in my tipsy state, I could make it to his place and we could really GET IT ON. Of course, he didn't answer when I called but I was in no mood to not get laid or at least felt up. So I decided to call the last special guest I saw with Terry. Emilio had called me that week wanting to know if I was free to get together without Terry. Naturally I said no but on this day, I was too frisky to care.

As luck would have it, Emilio was available and interested in getting together. Well it turns out that he has house mates who all happened to be home. Now this could be a lie but I was too drunk to care. So we drive around trying to figure out where to go. He can't go to my house because: it's a mess and I'd be embarrassed and I don't want to deal with taking him home after we're done. After 5 minutes of driving around, Emilio suggests that we go to this field that's on the side of the road. We get out into this field and proceed to go at it like wild animals! In a gentlemanly move, he lied on the ground so I wouldn't have to get dirty. While we were going at it, we heard people walking thru the field. We stop for a moment and then go right back at it. We finish up and leave. I take him back to his house and drive myself home for a nap.

To be honest I would have preferred to see Terry but Emilio was available and into seeing me. I didn't feel bad about technically cheating on Terry because he hasn't been available and I felt like I'm free to do anything I'd like.

In addition to Emilio, I contacted Jamie to see what he was up to. Now if you remember, Jamie had been emailing me a lot trying to get me to come see him without Terry. So I sent him an email saying that my relationship with Terry was ending and I'd like to see him. Naturally he was more than willing- he even suggested using our time together to clear my head. We've been having some difficulty getting together but it's going to happen soon and it'll be great.

And in closing, I called Terry today and left him a message - of course he didn't answer the phone. My message was this: I wanted to talk to you but since I didn't, whenever you get time for me, you can call. And with that, I am now free from Terry. I'm a little sad but happy too. He can call me whenever he likes but I'm sure I'll be busy.

Getting soft in my old age

2009-07-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why you make the choices you do? Recently my sister said to me "everyone is soft on someone even when they know better." Now I've never thought of myself as being soft but it couldn't have been a more accurate description. Because there's no good reason why I'm still trying to spend time with Terry. I've talked about Terry with everyone I know, trying to figure out why I can't make a clean break from Terry. Finally someone said something that I think might be the answer- companionship.

I had not considered companionship at all and the more I think about it, it makes sense. It would explain why I can't say good bye, why I've put up with Terry's piss poor behavior and his Svengali type hold over me. Although I have always enjoyed being able to pull different guys any day of the week, as I've gotten old that's been losing some of it's appeal with me. I've been more interested in having that someone I could relax and be myself with. There are plenty of days I don't feel like doing anything extra and I want someone to be ok with that. And until recently, Terry has been ok with that. Even as I write this, I'm embarrassed by my own thoughts and feelings.

I shouldn't be surprised about getting soft. I've been noticing it for sometime now. Every time I need to pull the trigger on a guy, it takes a little more time than the time before. I guess there isn't anything wrong with getting a little soft but I need to temper it. I wonder if I'll be able to get it under control.

Breaking up is hard to do, part 2

2009-07-05T15:22:00.000-07:00

Let me apologize for breaking one story into two parts. I was getting tired and could tell I needed a lot more space to finish my story. I don't want to force you to read a super long post to get the background and the details. A quick recap for those of you who didn't read part 1. After two weeks, I finally saw Terry and we had a special guest. I've been pissed at him and wanted to lay into him in person-not over the phone/text/email.

Once Terry is lying in bed happy about the special guest, I ask him what's going on with us. He says, "what do you mean?" What the fuck do you think I mean? Terry proceeds to tell me that he wasn't prepared to be a boyfriend and that there are so many demands and expectations on him. What? Demands? Wanting to spend time with him is demanding? Meeting my friends is an expectation he can't meet? Un-fucking-believable! He then says that he has felt stressed out because I'm always demanding to be touched. And he felt bad because I was angry at him. Also he was tired of us having the same conversation about the things I wanted him to do. Now I never meant to make him feel bad (that's the truth) but I feel like a lot of it could have been avoided.

Although our talk was only about 15 minutes; I was too drunk and stoned to get more involved than that, it was full of interesting tidbits. Our talk included this gem- "before I met you, I hadn't seen you in 49 years. Two weeks isn't a big deal." This was in response to my statement about not seeing him for two weeks. What an ass! He also told me that he needs to spend time with his kids - granted he wasn't spending that much time with them before-and that sometimes he needs to have time to himself. I said I understand that you need to spend time with your kids and then he promptly said that I really didn't understand because we keep having to talk about this. On this point, he is probably right. I don't have kids and up to this point have never dated anyone with kids, so they are not part of my thought process. I even mentioned to him that I was trying to get my head around that fact that he seemed kind of underwhelmed by me and this is not an experience I'm used to.

Ultimately I didn't get the resolution I was looking for. And while I did appreciate his honesty, his reasons for basically being a dick weren't good enough. I really just wanted him to say he was sorry. That was it. Since that didn't happen, I just stopped arguing with him. I don't have the energy or interest to argue like I used to. In my younger days, I would fight until I won and would say anything to win the fight and I mean anything. I once told a boyfriend that maybe he should fuck his sister when he suggested I act more like her. But there I was just giving up on the fight and accepting Terry's shitty behavior.

So when this conversation was over, I asked Terry if he'd hold me. One of the things I really like about Terry is that he holds me while we sleep. He jokingly says that'll cost extra. I tell him I didn't bring any money and I'll have to owe him. We both laugh and to my surprise, he holds me real tight and we start to fool around. It was great because I didn't have to do or say anything to make it happen. I thought to myself-Finally! And then we went to sleep- which was good because I was exhausted. When we got up in the morning, Terry asked what I was doing that day because he was free. I was getting a haircut (turned out cute, BTW) and wasn't available. We made plans to get together on Tuesday. That morning it was like our fight didn't happen the night before. Terry was affectionate and sweet.

Now Tuesday came and while I needed to push our time together back, we didn't even get together. I found myself back in the same position as before-no return calls and avoidance. I can't believe that I've been accepting Terry's shitty behavior. It's totally shameful and yet I'm barely doing anything to stop it. I've been trying to ask myself why I put up with this and I don't have an answer aside from sheer laziness. But at some level I've now become the kind of woman I hate-the kind who'd rather have someone instead of no one. I guess I'm keeping hope alive that Terry will turn it around and things can go back to being fun. But even if that happens, there are plenty of things he doesn't do.

As I write this post, I'm scheduled to see Terry tonight. We'll see if that even happen.

Breaking up is hard to do

2009-07-01T22:20:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying I'm sorry that it's been almost a month since my last post. The lame thing about that is I was working and not doing anything exciting to keep me from writing. I wish it was more exciting. Moving on. . .

In my last post, I mentioned that I should probably break up with Terry because: I'm not getting laid, he's being weird and distant, blowing me off and I'm not getting laid. As you can see, getting laid is crucial to me being happy in this relationship. Now I've been trying to give Terry the benefit of the doubt. He told me he's been feeling down, so I chalked up some of his flaky behavior to that. But then he started waiting two days to call/text me back. Now that kind of behavior is unforgivable to me. In this day and age, you can always get back to people without having to talk them. I don't think it's asking too much to just text/email saying-"it'll have to wait" or something.

I'm getting agitated with Terry and want to read him the riot act. But I want to do it in person not over the phone. So I keep trying to get together to see him. So one day when I'm at work, Terry actually calls me back. While were talking, I say to him that right now I feel like the laundry is more important to him than I am. He just laughs. So then I say to him, if you don't want to see me anymore just say that. You couldn't get a better situation for a painless break up: we're on the phone, I'm at work and I've put the topic on the table. Instead of saying yes he wants out, he says nothing. Not I want to stay, not I want out-nothing. Naturally I'm pissed. I'm an all or nothing kind of a girl. Either you're into me (and that's most people) or you're not.
We end our phone call by making some plans to get together with a special guest.

Even though I didn't think we were going to actually get together, I posted an ad looking for new special guests. I found one that seemed perfect-young, cute and horny. I actually talked to Kevin on the phone for about an hour and was looking forward to seeing him. And just to hedge my bets, I get some other people loosely lined up.

So its the day Terry and I are supposed to get together. Now I'm been living on a steady diet of him canceling on me at the last minute, so I expect that to happen. Surprisingly when I call him, he's home and waiting for me to come over. Now I'm kind of an old fashioned girl when it comes to dumping people- I like to do it in person. With that in mind, I decide that I'm not going to say anything about what's been going on with us until after the special guest. Cuz' lets face facts, I really need to get laid and Terry won't be expecting anything at that point.

Kevin doesn't show up and I can't get ahold of my number two guy. I finally get someone to come over and when he gets there, I think to myself "good thing I'm stoned and drunk". This kid Emilio turns out to be a great lay and full of energy. All the while, Terry is touching me like I'm a sack of potatoes. WTF?! I'd rather he didn't touch me at all. Mind you, he didn't eat me out like usual before Emilio started working on me. Emilio happily leaves and says he can't wait to come back. And why not? I'm a great lay.

This post is very long, so I'll end here. I'll post the rest of the night's activities soon.

My boyfriend is depressed- what am I supposed to do?

2009-06-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I mentioned that Terry's been acting indifferent with me. He hasn't been giving me the attention I wanted or am accustomed to getting and he was barely trying to see me. So yesterday I was having lunch with him and I mentioned to him that I felt like he wasn't interested in seeing me. Before I could even finish that statement, he said "this again. I bet I know what you're going to say." After I said my peace, Terry said that he hasn't been feeling well and it has nothing to do with me. We continued eating and talking. So once we get in the car, I ask Terry if he's seeing someone else. He laughed, stopped the car and said "no I'm not seeing anyone else. I'm old, my body hurts and don't really feel like doing anything. I just feel like being alone." I couldn't even imagine not wanting to spend time with me. I'm super fun to be around!

I asked him if he's been feeling a little depressed and he said yes. He also said that he knows the way he's been feeling has been hard for other people, since he wasn't available and/or interested in seeing them. Now I know that when I first met Terry he was taking some pills to deal with depression. He said that there were days when he felt so blue and that the pills helped eliminate that. A while back he had told me that he stopped taking them because he felt like he didn't need them. So it looks like he might need to get back on them.

Now I want to be supportive but honestly I have no idea how to do that. So I'm open to suggestion if you have any. Also what about my needs? I mean, I all for helping Terry feel better but where does that leave me? And ultimately I'm most concerned about that. This also means that I'm probably not going to get any sexual attention for a while. Which totally sucks considering that I've now reached a month with no action from Terry. WTF?! Am I supposed to just accept this or is there some kind of way I can get my needs met without seeming needy?

On a completely unrelated note, I just was wasting some time on Facebook and happened to look up an old girlfriend. This week I've spoken to three people I went to high school with and it made start wondering about people I used to date. And I mean actually date, not just hooked up with. So I look up her name and she's the second one on the list. In her picture, she's holding a small baby like it might be hers. Are you kidding me? If there's anyone who shouldn't be a parent it's this woman.

I looked up my all-time favorite boyfriend as well. I saw a picture of someone I thought might have been him but I didn't see anyone I recognized as his friends or family. Now I'll be focused on finding - at least for the next two days.

Which way to turn?

2009-05-24T17:34:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I mentioned that one of my special guests (John) asked if I'd come see him without Terry. He also mentioned a very hot scenario that really got me thinking about seeing him without Terry. So I told him that I couldn't do it and since then he has sent me two emails asking, literally begging me to come over without Terry. His most recent email suggested that he and I find another young, hot guy to have sex with me after him. Now I love the idea of two guys lavishing attention on me and it would be awesome to fuck two guys in a row. Terry doesn't put out like that- hell Terry can't even get it up. But I told John again that as long as I'm seeing Terry it's not going to happen, no matter how exciting it seems. But I did mention that my time with Terry may be coming to an end.

I haven't seen Terry since Tuesday, so about 5 days. Now you might be thinking what's the big deal? Well the big deal is that Terry doesn't have anything else to do and he should want to see me. Granted there were some days I wasn't available but where was Terry with his desire to see me? I wanted to see him last night after I finished working and he said he'd contact me after he dropped off his kids. I never heard from him. Now I'm not trying to come between him and his kids but he needs to act like he's interested in seeing me. I'm going to see him tonight and I've decided to read him the riot act. I'm sick of this shit. I get little to no physical contact from him and his take it or leave it attitude towards to me gets on my nerves. I don't think it's crazy to want a significant level of interest from my boyfriend. And let's not mention how he embarrassed me but not showing up TWICE to meet my best friend. I think I've been more than understanding.

So now I'm just waiting like Mount St. Helens to explode. A few times before I've been angry but by the time I saw Terry, I'd let most of it go. Not this time. I'll be sure to give you the fall out details.

Random thoughts

2009-05-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't have enough to say to make a full blog post. This is one of those times- so I'm going to just give you what I've got on each topic. Here's goes:

I emailed my favorite special guest to see if he'd be available to get together; we haven't gotten together in a while since he started seeing someone. I thought I'd take my chances and see if his new relationship was over- I hate to help someone cheat on their partner. So you can imagine my pleasure when I was greeted by an email from from John saying that he had been thinking about me. And while he did say that he was still seeing someone, he went into detail about us getting together without Terry. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. John is such a great lay and I'd been dying to see him but I can't see him without Terry. Terry is my boyfriend and although I'm extremely promiscious, cheating on my boyfriends is not something I do. Seems a little prudish but a girl's gotta have some limits.

Speaking of Terry, I'm wondering what's going on with him. I feel like I'm always begging him for sex. Two nights last week I went to his house and was feeling very frisky. I'm kissing Terry, literally pawing at him and trying to get him interested. He would just giggle and say "maybe" when I would ask about fooling around. What's his problem? Maybe? Are you kidding me? I don't know how to remind him that I'm a hot piece of ass and he's lucky that I hang out with his old ass. Every time I'm asked him about his lack of interest, he's all "I'm old". That's not good enough. He doesn't even want a blow job! Hell he doesn't even get dressed in front of me. I've seen what he has to offer and I'm still sticking around, what's the problem? He says we have the same conversation every month about this. If he would stop being so weird, we wouldn't be having that conversation.

On the topic of annoying things, I have a rash on my arms and parts of my legs. I usually get it when I'm in hot weather or under stress. It's been hot and I was sick for about two weeks. Damn body, don't you know it's time for me to find some new special guests but I can't do anything until this rash is gone.

The draft isn't just for the NFL

2009-05-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

Terry and I haven't had any special guests since the Jackhammer (see Just Say No). I know it's important to him and since he's my boyfriend, I should try to support that. That being said, he's been Harry Holdout lately and I would welcome the attention. Since my favorite special guest recently informed me that he moved to Southern California, we've been trying to find a replacement.

Much like the NFL draft, you have to look at all the potential prospects and try and find a winner. Last week I posted an ad on craigslist to try and find some new special guests. The real problem with special guests is that you always have to keep few on reserve at all times. You have to screen a lot of people and usually only one or two will work out. Combine that with that fact that each person will probably only be around for a month or so, this is an exhausting task.

I wish there was an easier way to find special guests but an easier way would probably result in everyone being in my business and I don't like that. Terry told me that he didn't want to do the picking because it's overwhelming- I feel the same way but I like having the control over who gets to be the special guest. It just feels like work and there's no getting around that.

The time between when I started this post and when it actually made the blog was more than 2 weeks. In that time, I found out that my second favorite guest got a girlfriend and wouldn't be available anymore. What the fuck?! Now I really have to look at all the prospects and hope one turns out. Maybe there's an all-star waiting to be discovered. One things for sure, there will be plenty of busts.

Just say no to jack hammers

2009-04-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

I went almost a month with no special guests for Terry to enjoy. And while that was great for me, I know it was killing Terry. So with his birthday on the horizon, I agreed to bring back someone I really didn't enjoy-Lamont. Although he has an unfortunate name, he's got a rocking body and a really big dick. My real complaint with Lamont was that he kind of man handled me. Terry would always mention Lamont whenever he could. I figured that this was a gift that Terry would appreciate.

So we don't get to see Lamont on Terry's birthday- which was my hope- but he came over a few days later. Usually before the special guests show up, Terry and I would fool around. On this day we didn't fool around and then before I knew it, Lamont was there. So before anything gets started, I tell Lamont to try and be a little gentler with me. Well this resulted in him not being able to get hard and me having to give him a blow job for a half hour! (I can be sure of the time because Terry has a clock by his bed.) Later in the evening, Terry would mention that he was surprised and a little jealous that Lamont was getting such a long blow job.

So Lamont finally gets it together and I'm having a terrible time. I have a pain in my abdomen and now Lamont is jack hammering away. I'm totally pissed at Terry and I just want this to finish. Eventually Lamont finishes and he even apologizes that he can't be gentler with me. I tell him that's fine- I'm lying- and make small talk that includes us getting together again. The whole time he was pounding away at me, I wondered who enjoys this kind of sex. The way he is in the sack completely negates how good looking he is.

Damn it Vegas!

2009-03-29T23:12:00.000-07:00

I spent last weekend in Las Vegas visiting my best friend and her family. Considering that I didn't have any money to spend in Vegas- $150 for 5 days is basically nothing in Vegas- I had a great time. I hadn't seen my friend in 6 months and her family in over a year. So the opportunity to catch up with everyone was fantastic. The only thing that was a bummer about my trip aside from the lack of cash, was that I was on my period while I was there. That made my interest in going out and trying to use charm to get some guys to buy me drinks/dinner/whatever, was very low.

So it was with this low level interest that my friend and I posted an ad on Craigslist to meet some guys. As I was falling asleep, I dictated an ad requesting two guys aged 21-45 to hang out with us. To hedge our bets, we posted in women for men as well as strictly platonic. Most of the responses were from single guys; what part of us looking for two guys didn't you understand? So the guys we finally decided on were two dorks from somewhere in So Cal. Not only were these guys late to meet us but when they finally arrived at the casino, my girl had just met a hot firefighter. I excused myself so she could work her magic.

In addition to being broke and on my period, I was in the unknown situation of being in Vegas with a boyfriend at home. And while I like to have more than my fair share of fun, cheating is NOT something I do. I know most of you probably don't believe that but it's so true. So there I am talking to one dude who is 21 (I checked his id) but looked 15 and his goofy looking friend with a bad haircut and a mustache. I sent a text to my girl to let her know that we struck out and we needed to think of an exit plan. Once she came over, we talk for a minute and excuse ourselves to the bathroom. While we're in there, I call my sister and tell her that she needs to call me in 30 minutes so we could get out of there. As we're walking back to where the dorks are at, I say "wouldn't it be great if they were gone when we got there?" And low and behold, they were! We hot footed it out of there hoping not to run into them. As we're basically running out of the casino, my friend says "should we be mad that they ditched us?"

Later that evening, I start getting text messages from the younger one saying he's sorry they left. That his friend wanted to leave, that he's interested in hooking up with us and a plethora of suggestive texts about what's in his pants. I told him not to worry about it and that that window of opportunity had closed. Eventually we met some queens from London who were very fun and wound up buying us drinks and overpriced pizza. Most of the night I felt like I'd led us down the wrong path. Instead of trying to find hot youngsters, we should have been looking for moderately attractive 40-50 year olds. They would have brought plenty of money to spend, not think twice about spending it and most likely would accept a hearty Thank you or some making out; which my friend was waay interested in doing.

The real travesty of the trip was that I didn't remember to pack any vitamins or echinacea. So I wound up getting sick upon returning home. That hasn't happened to me since my first trip to Vegas. Being sick is totally amateur night. So damn it Vegas- you got me this time. Trust me, it won't happen again.

Memory vs Reality

2009-03-23T20:13:00.000-07:00

So finally after wondering why I wasn't getting laid, I got laid. Terry had lined up the special guest he turned down earlier in the week; he tried to line some one else up but it didn't happen. So we confirmed with Marco. Terry starts eating me- finally!-and Marco enters the room. Now it had been a while since I last saw Marco but he didn't look at all like I remembered him. I remembered Marco as a fit, Asian-mixed guy who was cute and a fun lay. What was in front of me was a chunky, not cute guy with a terrible haircut. Add to that, he was more interested in me giving him a blow job than he was in touching me. Listen, I'm happy to give a blow job but this is about me not him.

Then Marco decides he's ready to have sex with me and we agree on doggy style. Now begins a short period of sex followed by him excusing himself to go to the bathroom. While he's in the bathroom, I start talking to Terry. I tell Terry that he's not as cute as I remember or as thin as I remember. Terry tells me that if I want Marco to leave, I can go to the bathroom and come back and say I started my period. I laugh and say I don't think it's at that point yet. Marco comes back and we go back to having sex. After about a minute, I say that I need to go to the bathroom. I actually needed to use it but I also wanted the time to think about how I was going to get rid of Marco.

I come back from the bathroom and start fooling around with Marco again. Then I say "ouch" and sit up. I tell Marco that I'm having a pain and we need to stop. I apologize and say that we'll have to reschedule to finish. OK we're never going to reschedule! Marco gets dressed and leaves. I turn to Terry and tell him that Marco can't come back. That he's fatter, uglier and lazier than I remembered. That I had a slight pain but nothing that would have kept me from finishing the job if Marco was better looking. Terry laughed and said he couldn't understand why I wanted Marco to come back at all because he always thought Marco sucked.

I hated to admit that I was wrong but Terry was right- Marco sucked. I just couldn't move past how different my memory of Marco was versus the reality. Terry suggested that maybe I remembered him better because: I was angry at Terry the first time Marco came over, that my room was very dark and that I might have been drunk or high that first time. I'm not sure what the reason was but I was pretty angry with myself- I could have gone to a movie or watched TV and been more satisfied. This is my second time being surprised by the guy that actually shows up. I better start looking at those pictures a lot harder.

I'm horny and I have a boyfriend

2009-03-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

Since Terry is officially my boyfriend- he referred to himself as such about 2 weeks back- I've completely stopped pleasuring myself. Between Terry eating me out and our special guests, I'm never at a loss of sexual satisfaction. But this week and this evening especially, I find myself overwhelmed by my need for sexual release. I need to get laid! I haven't said that in over 9 months, so I'm almost not sure what to do. Almost.

This week getting some action has been harder than expected- no pun intended. I saw Terry on Monday and all the action I got from him was making out and he held me while we slept. I really enjoyed both but I wanted some inappropriate touching. Then I wasn't available again until Thursday night; I don't usually see Terry on Tuesday and Wednesday because of my school schedule. Thursday rolls around and after seeing Coraline (kind of creepy) and sneaking into the Watchmen (long), I was too tired- hear me say lazy- to go to see Terry. On a side note, in the Watchmen one of the characters (Dr.Manhattan) is naked the entire movie and has a big blue dick- which was kind of making me horny.

I see Terry on Friday and I try to jump on him the minute I walk in the door. He tells me to "relax". I had even lined up a special guest for that night. Terry wasn't into it; we'd seen this guy before on a night I was doing a grudge fuck. We had another guy lined up for Friday but he was available late and I had to be at work at 7am on Saturday, so it was a no go. Naturally all of this waiting around was killing me and I was tired from doing some work earlier in the day. So I wound up falling asleep on Terry's bed and got no action. I mean we made out but that's not what I wanted.

Saturday comes and I think I'm finally going to get laid and Terry is still hanging out with his son. What the fuck! So now I'm sitting at home wondering why the fuck I can't get laid considering that I have a boyfriend and I have sex with other guys for his viewing pleasure. As if my level of hornyness wasn't bad enough, I watched 5 episodes of Secret Diary of a Call Girl and two shows about remakes of old porn movies. I'm surrounded by sex and sexual images and I'm losing it. I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands.

I better get some action before I leave for Vegas. Or else I'll have to get some action there.

Space Invader

2009-02-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

In my last post I mentioned that my sister moved in with me and promised more at a later date. So here it is. Back in January, I began hearing a rumor that my sister was going to be moving in with me. My others sisters would say, "She'll be living with you any minute now", "Better start cleaning that room". Now being a single girl in a two bedroom condo, I've always said to friends and family that if they need a place to stay that they are welcome to my spare bedroom. But there's always been one caveat - they have to clean the room. Since it's my spare room, it basically serves as my junk room. A dumping ground for everything that doesn't have a place, things that I don't want to deal with right now and everything that needs to be hidden before company shows up. It was like having a garage inside.

The last time I cleaned that room was in August before my best friend came to visit from London. Since then, I have been keeping the room much cleaner than usual. So the first week of this month, my sister called me and said "Hello roomie". She proceeded to tell me that she'd be coming over "to clean her room" in the next week. What the fuck?! In a week's time, I was going to go from swinging single to Patty and Selma. I haven't lived with anyone in 8 years, how is this going to work? And more importantly where is all of my shit from that room going to go?
So the next week rolls around and my sister comes to look at and measure the room like this is some kind of a showroom. During this time my parents decided that they would build a monster shed in my backyard so I'd have some place to put all of my stuff and my sister's stuff. In less than a week, that shed is done and my sister's move into my house begins.

I've been spending most of this month getting used to having someone in my space. While my sister is really only at my house Monday through Thursday and spends the weekend with her boyfriend, her presence has impacted my life. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy to be able to help out my sister but now I have to plan my sexual adventures; Terry hasn't been over since she moved in. The worse part of her arrival has been all of the cleaning that I've had to do. Going through old boxes and bags, trying to give away or sell anything that I can. And even after that, still being surrounded by things that need to be dealt with. Even as I write this entry, I'm avoiding dealing with two boxes and two bags of stuff. And let's not even begin to talk about what a shambles my bedroom is. All of this cleaning is as annoying as the ShamWow guy.

So far it's been pretty good with my sister around; she's been cleaning the common areas, so that's helpful. But turning things off after her and finding that my food and/or drinks are gone when I come back is extremely annoying. I'm trying to keep an open mind. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Valentine's Day- what a let down

2009-02-15T22:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Valentine's day and it wasn't as much fun as I had hoped for. I should have known it would be a bummer. Every time I have high hopes for a day, it almost always results in disappointment. After a particularly bad birthday-I had a bit of a break down when I didn't get to eat lunch at Chez Panisse- I decided that the being out of town is the best way for me to spend my birthday. It totally prevents me from evaluating every decision I've ever made. But even with my history of being disappointed on my birthday, I thought why not keep hope alive for Valentine's day.

Now Terry has told me on more than one occasion that he doesn't celebrate holidays and birthdays; seems like a cop out to me- sometimes he can be cheap. So with that knowledge, I planned a low key evening for us at his house. I would have preferred him to come to my house but right now my house looks like a disaster area because one of my sisters moved in with me. (More on that at a later date.) It's kind of weird to do something nice for someone when you know there won't be any reciprocation. I know you're supposed to do nice things without expecting anything in return. . .but come on, it's valentine's day!

My plans for the evening involved a heart shaped pizza- thank you Papa Murphy's- some freshly made chocolate mousse and a special guest. Thankfully I found a hilarious postcard when I was cleaning, so all the gifts cost me $9 dollars. I even told Terry that I got him a gift in hopes that he would do something, anything for me. Now I was way into getting the pizza because it was a win-win for me; Terry gets a gift and I get pizza. So I arrived with the pizza- he doesn't notice it's heart shaped until it's baked- and doesn't bother to thank me for it. What the fuck?! He says he likes the gifts but only after I ask. The night proceeded to go down hill from there.

The day before Rob (see Houston, I think we have a problem) had to cancel at the last minute. So I felt like I needed to get someone to come over. I posted an ad on good ole' Craigslist and found several someones to come over. I settled on a guy that I met online (Trent) last summer when I was looking for someone to go to the nude beach with me. So Trent said he'll come over sometime after 9:30pm. When he got there, he didn't look as good as his photo; he was doughy, had a small dick and looks like a guy I went out with a few times named Roger (see Golden Rule of dating), so that was creeping me out. On top of all that, Trent didn't get there until 11:45pm and was gone by 12:15am. Are you kidding me?!

Before Trent's arrival, I started getting agitated that Terry was acting so excited. It was obvious I didn't want to do Trent and every time we have a new special guests, I'm pissed and prefer to be drunk. But since this was Valentine's day, instead of being angry I was teary. I was crying when Terry was eating me out and started again when we were talking after Trent left. I told Terry that I felt like he was only into me when we're having special guests. And that I don't like the special guests, that they make me feel bad. It was like he wasn't listening. He went on about enjoying watching me and that he'd like to increase to twice a week. I immediately said no to that. He said we could stop but I think he only said that to get me to stop crying. I wanted to scream "You didn't even say thank you for the pizza!" but I couldn't remember if he did or not.

When I left his house this morning, Terry seemed sad but I wanted to go because I had already had a crying fit that morning. My behavior makes me worried about what's going to happen on my birthday. Hell I'm worried about how I'm going to be the next time I'm at Terry's house.

New Day Dawning

2009-01-21T14:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the presidential inauguration of Barack Obama. I don't think so many people have watched the inauguration since they started airing it on TV. And I know that this was the largest crowd of people to go to the inauguration- 2 million plus. For a country that thinks of the political process as only slightly more tolerable than a root canal, this was amazing. Now unless you've been living under a rock, you've been hearing about the historic nature of this election non-stop. And given that my blog is mostly about booty calls and making out with strangers, using this space to talk about politics seems as out of place as Dame Edna being the keynote speaker at The Evangelical Ministers Assembly.

But I just wanted to say that I was happy to see so many Americans actually care about our political system. Our general apathy has allowed at lot of poor decisions to be made on our behalf. Being a person of color with low level hippie parents, I've always been interested in politics. Thankfully not in a way that is annoying. Although if you're leanings aren't more to the left, I'll be forced to tell you "You are wrong" repeatedly and it could be a deal breaker on our friendship. But if there is one thing that I'd like everyone to take away from yesterday it is President Obama's call to action ". . .Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America."

Everyone, even this easy, breezy girl has some work to do. Let's get started.

Happy New Year- it could have been better

2009-01-15T21:47:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying Happy New Year to all of the readers of this blog and people who wound up here by mistake. I know it's pretty late in the month for New Year's wishes but you know what I say- "Better late than pregnant!". Actually I can't take all of the credit for that phrase; I first heard Blanche on the Golden Girls say it and it made so much sense I started using it.

As I mention in my last entry of '08, I'm not really big on doing things on NYE. But this NYE, I was looking forward to making out with Terry and bringing in the year with a bang. Well since it's with Terry, a pseudo-bang. Unfortunately even that didn't happen.

During NYE day, I was talking to my sister about what she was going to be doing that night. She didn't have any plans and was trying to find out what my plans were. As the day wore on, it became apparent that none of her friends were going to invite her over and it didn't look like she'd be getting an NYE booty call either. Terry was supposed to come to my house but about an hour before he's supposed to come over, he calls and asks if I can come to his house. He tells me that he's had 3 beers, has a busted tail light and is worried about having to drive to my house. Now I understand his concern about driving on NYE, they tend to have check points everywhere and stop people for anything. But what the fuck?! You knew you were supposed to come over, why were you drinking? Why not come over and drink at my house. While this conversation is going on, my sister is busy getting drunk at her house and still doesn't have anywhere to go except to my house.

I kind of didn't want her to come over. She was already drunk and therefore, annoying. On top of that, I was looking forward to some inappropriate touching with Terry. And that couldn't happen if my sister was over. Now even though I'm a non-practicing Catholic, I still suffer from Catholic Guilt. So there I was stewing in my guilt, trying to figure out if I was going to invite my sister over or try to get some NYE action. In order to figure out what to do, I started texting my other sisters. And to my surprise, they all say "invite her over". As a matter of fact, my sister who likes her the least told me that it would be the shitty thing I could do if I didn't invite her over. So guilt won out and I invited my sister over to my house. I then called Terry and told him that I couldn't leave my sister alone, drunk and sad on NYE. Naturally he was pissed. And so was I. This was the first time in years that I had someone to make out with on NYE. I always make out with someone on NYE but they're usually complete strangers. I didn't want to tell anyone but I was really looking forward to kissing Terry on NYE. Embarrassing yes but I was looking forward to it anyway.

Fast forward to 11:55pm. I get up to get the champagne and glasses and look over at my couch and guess who is passed out. My sister. She could have slept on her own couch at home! She woke up when I started moving around but I couldn't have been more pissed. I shouldn't have been surprised but I thought for sure she'd at least stay awake since she knew I had cancelled on Terry. Combine her being asleep with Terry sending me pissy text messages all night about cancelling on him. It wasn't what I had planned but I should have known that it wouldn't work out. Family always seems to ruin the best laid plans.

So here's hoping that '09 is better than '08 or at least as good.

Merry Xmas- Happy New Year

2008-12-30T19:06:00.000-08:00

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays and this year, it was especially good. Terry and I had a special guest over on Xmas eve and he definitely made my spirit bright. Hands down this guy was the best looking, best body and best lay out of all the guests. He even asked about when he could return before he left the house. Merry Christmas!

Now that Xmas is over, the next holiday is New Year's Eve. I'm not really a fan of NYE; it's totally overrated. There's the expectation that you have to have a great time and when you don't, you feel like a loser. Add to that, the fact that people who don't drink are getting drunk and people who drink are getting smashed. Leaving the house on NYE doesn't make much sense unless you're going somewhere you can stay. That's not to say that I haven't had fun on NYE in the past. I had a great time in Vegas, where me and my best friend picked up a Croatian guy and stayed out with him until 8am the next day. And on my first trip to London, I was there for NYE and me and my bff made out with strangers and even the same guy.

Right now I don't have any plans for tomorrow-NYE. It doesn't help that I'm totally broke, so I can't afford to do anything anyway. Since Terry is basically my boyfriend, I asked him what he wanted to do for NYE. He said that he was planning on spending NYE in his basement. What the hell?! The basement? I told Terry I didn't want to spend NYE in his basement. He asked why now? And then proceeded to tell me that he always did that on NYE. I suggested coming to my house- it would definitely be more fun. He was skeptical but not against it. We'll see what happens.

Houston, I think we have a problem

2008-12-18T14:49:00.000-08:00

Now that Terry is full of joy- maybe it's the season- and we're getting along great, a small problem has come up. For the past two months, we've been having someone extra join us in the bedroom (see T is for Threeway). I wasn't into it and I resisted at every turn. But now that I've done it a few times, I'm starting to like it. And this is where the problem comes in.

When picking the guys who join us, I usually pick someone who is everything that Terry isn't: young, great body, super easy on the eyes and hung like a horse. That's not to say that Terry doesn't have his good qualities. He's mature, has a decent body, sexy gray hair and average length. I could probably do better but he's far from being the worse I could do. But these "special guests" are just a thousand times better than Terry. It's like I finally get to have my cake and eat it too.

I'm not sure how to deal with the fact that I'm starting to enjoy our special guests a little too much. As a person who likes sex, I've enjoyed the act of being with the special guests but right now we have two that I would like to see more often. Both of them come via CL; Matt the grad student and Rob the physical trainer. They have a few similarities: great bodies, great faces and great dicks. My real problem is how do I tell Terry that I want to see these guys again without him getting jealous or feeling hurt?

I know he'd love it if I said I want to see them again- he loves watching me but he's not going to want to see too much excitement on my face. After our first special guest, he confided that he worried that I might be having too much fun. I guess I'll just try to be interested but not too interested.

Why are you being so nice?

2008-12-15T19:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the delay in updating the blog. With the holiday season and school coming to an end, I've been a little distracted.

One thing that has happened is that Terry has been exceedingly nice. Almost too nice. Which has got me wondering "why are you being so nice?" I've been seeing him everyday and he's been full of warmth. Naturally I took this to some of my friends. The answers ranged from "it's about time" to "that's cuz' he's your boyfriend". There's no real way to ask someone why their being nice. It kind of defeats the purpose. I like to think that Terry has finally realized that he can't do better than me. I mean really; I'm fun to be around, easy on the eyes, like to put out and will blow the whole day away watching football.

While I've been wondering about Terry's niceness, I've been getting text messages from a kid that I hooked up with one time. He has been texting me like his life depends on us getting together. I keep telling him I'm not available and he just won't hear it. It's always "what about tonight? tomorrow? next week?" I don't know if I can keep being busy. I wouldn't mind seeing him but he has too many "special requests" for me to really consider going. Sometimes I want to tell Terry, "hey dude you better keep being nice cuz' there are others waiting to take your place". But that's not very nice, so I haven't said anything. I mean he's being nice, so shouldn't I?

Looks like your days are numbered

2008-11-30T22:04:00.000-08:00

Now that Thanksgiving is over and my refrigerator is full of leftovers, it's time to get back to my day to day life. If you've been following my blog, you know that I've been spending most of my free time with Terry. Well I think that's about to end.

This week hasn't been Terry's best week in my book. I saw Terry on Sunday and we made plans to get together on Monday after I had a dinner with a friend in from New York. On a total aside, I hadn't seen my friend Jessie in over a year- so everything else was going to be secondary. After I drop off Jessie at Bart, I call Terry so we can get together. He tells me we'll have to get push to Tuesday because he's still with his kids. So on Tuesday comes and I had set something up with Adam (see T is for three way) but I'm not feeling well, so I don't want to be bothered. Terry pitches a fit and we proceed to have a fight via email. What the fuck?! I had already told him that we couldn't get together on Wednesday since it's right before Thanksgiving and I'd need to be cooking that day. Of course Thanksgiving day was out of the question. So on Friday, I got a pissy voicemail from Terry about how he's "bored and not having fun" and that "I'll probably be unavailable like before for a month." Again what the fuck?!

At this point I'm asking myself why I'm still wasting time with him. I mean, I'm sure I could find someone else to eat me out for hours at a time. But right now I think curiosity is the reason. I'd hate to stop seeing him before I get to fuck him. I'll have to put more energy into making that happen and starting to line up his replacement.

What's really going on?

2008-11-25T20:28:00.000-08:00

As you know, I had sex with two guys for Terry's personal enjoyment. I had a good time but I could easily not do it again. I'm embarrassed to say that I'm really interested in just having sex with just one person. Around the same time Terry finally told me why I'm not having sex with him. About a year ago, he had a tumor removed and has been taking lots of drugs that affect his ability to perform sexually. He even told me that he got a prescription for Viagra and on the day he took it, I came over and fell asleep.

So now Terry is always trying to get me to have sex with different guys. And whenever I'm like can't it wait, he gets bent out of shape. I can't believe how selfish he is. When I asked him how often he thought this should happen, he said once a week! I'm not that interested. And whenever I balk at his requests, he picks a fight. He likes to focus on how I was seeing other people when we first got together. What the hell?! I shouldn't have to explain what I was doing to him. He said he was seeing other people then but I think he wasn't- he gets too mad when this topic comes up.

During our last "fight" it occurred to me that the problem with Terry is that he's really into me. It's the only explanation that makes sense. Otherwise why would he gets so angry? While he was making his case, I wanted to yell "just admit that you care about me!" He must think that the walls are going to cave in if he admits that. I mean, we've been seeing each other exclusively for the last 4 months. For an old man he sure can be childish.

T is for three way

2008-11-16T20:55:00.000-08:00

So after much thought, I decided to go ahead and give in to Terry's request to watch me have sex with another man. And last week it happened.

Without telling Terry, I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a guy to have sex with. I also had a two guys that I had hooked up with before that I thought would be a good choice for the job- DJ Rob and Jamie. DJ Rob is a going looking guy who naturally works as a DJ and is an amazing lay. Imagine a visceral connection that is fueled by so much energy any chance I get to hook up with Rob I take. In addition to being a great lay, he turned me on to the nude beach. Thanks so much. Jamie was a guy I hooked up with who lives too far away-over an hour and he has a ton requests; wear this, say that, etc. He's a good lay and had asked me about fucking one of his friends, so I knew he'd be down but he's too much work.

After getting 100 responses to my post, I told Terry about it and send him about 10 that I liked. Naturally he was very excited that I'd agreed to his request and couldn't wait to make it happen. Every time we talked, he asked about when it was going to happen. Everytime we got together he wanted to know if that day was the day it was going to happen. It was kind of annoying. I asked DJ Rob and he said he was in.

So now in one week, I had sex with two guys while Terry watched. Although I was really looking forward to having sex with DJ Rob, it didn't turn out that good. He couldn't maintain an erection and didn't finish the job. The next day DJ Rob emailed me and said that Terry was creeping him out. That makes sense- I thought Terry was a little creepy when I first met him. Even Terry mentioned that daytime sex was probably not a good idea. The only down side is that now I owe DJ Rob a favor that he can call in any time.

But the whole experience wasn't a bust. The guy from Craigslist- Adam- was amazing! We spoke on the phone before hand and he seemed very nice. Adam's only down fall was that he really wanted to hang out and Terry was pretty focused on that not happening. As it was, Adam came in while Terry and I were still talking so he got to talk to both of us before hand. Then I proceeded to have incredible sex for the next 2 hours! When it was over, I was completely spent and starving. Terry was very happy that I had such a good time, although he later admitted that he was worried I might have had too good of a time.

All and all it wasn't too bad and I finally got to have sex after 3 months of waiting.

New look

2008-11-05T21:45:00.001-08:00

I wanted to let everyone know that I decided to change the layout of the blog. I liked the previous lay out but I don't think it was that easy to read. So this new layout should be easier to read. I hope you like it.

Three's company

2008-10-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

I know find myself in the fun, albeit awkward position of being in two triangles. Normally one would say "love triangles" but love isn't involved here. These triangles are based on sex. So maybe they should be called "sex triangles".

So when I first hooked up with Terry, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him. I mean, he was eating me out for hours at a time and wanted nothing in return. The least I could do was try and do something he liked. I didn't know at the time that what he liked would be watching me fuck some other guy. Since I didn't know him that well, I just blew this request off. I didn't feel doing anything extra for a guy I didn't know that well. Fast forward 5 months and the same request has come up again. This time I gave it more thought and after much agonizing, I decided to say yes.

The other sex triangle involves two of my classmates. As a refresher, I'm in cooking school and surrounded by lots of cute boys who cook. In order to pass the first class, I must volunteer to work 22 hours at events the cooking school is catering. A few weeks back, I was working an event with Sam the baker. Sam looks like Jesse James - minus the bags of money and motorcycles- and is always friendly. So while I'm doing the set up, Sam turns to me and says "I thought it was the new millennium". I say it is and he says "so when are you going to ask me out?" Kind of a clever intro and the confirmation that I needed about his interest in me. I probably would have waited another month or so before even thinking about asking him out. I treat my classmates like co-workers and I don't like to shit where I eat. I've done it twice before and it was weird afterwards both times.

Now that you have the background, here's where the triangle part comes in. Sam the baker's good friend is a guy named Clay, who was interested in asking me out. I don't find Clay attractive, so I told him that I have a boyfriend. Clay was at the same event as myself and Sam the baker. After the event Clay invited me to join him and Sam the baker for drinks. I didn't have any plans, so I thought why not. What I didn't know was that by drinks, he meant two tall cans of King Cobra. Drinking malt liquor was not what I thought I'd doing with my Saturday afternoon. So while I'm drinking malt liquor in a car no less, Clay and Sam the baker are taking turns trying to figure out which one of them I like. Then for no reason at all, each one gets out of the car momentarily so they can try and throw their best game at me. It was really pointless. I already knew who I was into (Sam the Baker) and I was getting drunk as well as stoned (Sam the Baker had a joint), so I don't remember what either of them said. Now when I see them at school, each one tries to get me alone from the other one. What I don't understand is how Clay doesn't see that I'm not into him.

More Sex Old Man

2008-10-14T21:59:00.000-07:00

You had to know that even after a brief hiatus, I'd back with more ridiculous stories to tell. After another night of going out with Terry and then not getting any sex, I was forced to say something. After much thought, I decided that the best way to approach the subject was by laying the blame on me. Mind you this was a very tough call because I was super pissed that I didn't get laid the night before. As we're lying in the bed, I ask Terry if it's my imagination or was he less into me. He says that it's my imagination and then proceeds to tell me that: he's old and gets tired easy. I say I understand but I'm too angry to even hear whatever else he has to say. And now that I feel like Peggy Bundy but I'm too horny to even care.

So I put that aside and a few more days pass and I find myself asking about our lack of sex again. I tell Terry that my expectation when we get together is that we're going to have sex every time. He seems startled by this statement. WTF?! We met on a booty call. I then remind him that he shouldn't have set the bar so high when we first got together that he wouldn't be able to maintain that; we use to have marathon sex sessions that would last 4 to 5 hours. Again he pulls the age card. Ugh! Totally unacceptable.

Because I wouldn't let it go, I found out that Terry is often too "tired" for sex because he's busy jerking off 3-4 times a day! Now I'm fine with self love- it's the safest and always satisfies. But I'll take sex with others over solo sex any day. So he's been wasting his good energy on himself. How selfish. I mean he can be wasting all that energy on me. I'm always ready for a romp.

Recently he's been trying to return to the days of our first hook ups and it's been great. I'll have to see how long that can last.

What have I been doing?

2008-10-10T22:11:00.000-07:00

I want to apologize to everyone for my long hiatus on the blog. I don't even have a good excuse for not working on the blog. My best friend has gone back to London, I've cut Terry back to twice a week and I haven't added any new booty. So what has been keeping me away?

Probably school. Since I don't have a job yet, I figured going to school seemed like a good idea. I've spent alot of time in school- like 24 years of my life- so I don't mind going back. So now I'm finally pursuing my dream of attending culinary school. It's pretty fun and the class is full of cute youngsters, so I'm happy about that, even if they are dumb as stumps. That takes up 6 hours out of my day, 4 days out of the week. So far I haven't learned much I didn't already know from cooking at home and eating out on a regular basis. But it beats sitting at home wondering if I've already seen this episode of Law and Order.

I guess sheer laziness is probably what's kept me away from the blog. I'm sure I could have found time to work on it. I mean, I have time for a two hour nap every day after school. But then again, a girl's got prioritize. Come to think of it, I don't have any reason to be away from the blog. I should probably give my Tivo a rest and put some energy into the blog.

So accept my apology and know that I'll be back with plenty of ridiculous and/or embarrassing stories.

I got it old man

2008-09-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

So my best friend was in town for the last 3 weeks and I didn't work on the blog or getting any ass, which was a bummer. Before she arrived, she told me that she wanted to meet Terry. I told Terry and he said OK, we can go out for a drink. So we pick a time to go to a movie at The Parkway in El Cerrito. So a few minutes before the movie I'm outside looking for Terry. He'd gone to the one in Oakland and wasn't going to make the movie. I suggest that he join us for a drink after the movie. Unfortunately he never shows up for our drink. The next day he sends me a text saying he feel asleep when he got home. I accept this answer- he's old, likes smoking weed and taking naps- that's the perfect combination for sleeping past things.

We make some new plans to get together another night at a bar. To prevent confusion, I send Terry an email with the address of the bar and the meet time. So we get dressed and go to the bar. So there we are looking good, waiting at the bar, Terry never shows up. We were late getting there, so I ask the bartender if an old man was there before we got there. Naturally he said no. We walk down the street to the other bar that was listed in the email, no dice. He's not there either.

Kind of drunk and super pissed, we go home. I talk to Terry the next day. He apologizes for not joining us. I tell him I'm pissed without acting too crazy- I mean, our status is still unknown. He tells me he slept thru our meet time and didn't think we were waiting on him. What the fuck?! He apologizes again and says he'll make it happen. Of course he doesn't make it to our new meet date.

I was disappointed that he couldn't make this simple request happen. But I was totally pissed that he couldn't just man up and say he didn't want to meet her. I could have accepted that a lot better than being stood up twice and having to deal with the embarrassment that goes along with that. Luckily my best friend was just as pissed and disappointed as I was but understanding. And if you think I'm overreacting, when I sent Terry an email about getting together for a romp in the hay- he was available the same day. What a dick! But I love getting dick, so I'll be there. When I see him, I'll be sure to tell him that he could have manned up and said he didn't want to meet her. But I if he's wondering, I got it. We're just a booty call that sometimes goes outside.

Is he my boyfriend?

2008-09-02T23:02:00.000-07:00

Shortly after I started this blog, I started seeing a Booty Call by the name of Terry. As I've mentioned on other posts, we spend a lot of time together and about 2 months ago we started going outside to do things. We go to the movies, we go to bars, we go out to eat, we make out in public. But now I'm wondering, is he my boyfriend?

I haven't been seeing other guys, although my phone has been ringing from other guys. But Terry is always inviting me over, sending me naughty texts and emails and basically taking up a lot of my time. Now I have allowed Terry to take up a lot of my time and he's always available for me no matter what. But is he my boyfriend?

At what point will I know? I don't want to be childish and ask "are you my boyfriend?" or "what's going on between us?" Maybe part of my hesitation has to do with my fear of hearing something other than, "we're dating". But his roommates refer to me as his girlfriend and my friends feel like he's my boyfriend since I haven't hooked up with anyone in over a month. Then there's the fact that I don't want to have to tell Terry that I've been sleeping with other guys up until about a month ago. No one ever takes that information very well.

I won't be seeing Terry for two weeks since my best friend is in town from London. But Terry is going to meet her this week and he'll probably be meeting my other friends who'll mysteriously be at the same place as us. Since I've mostly had booty calls recently, I'm not sure what the rules are. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. Or at least until my best friend tells me that he's too old.

The Psycho resurfaces

2008-08-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, I got an unexpected phone call. It was from Roger the psycho guy I went out with. (See post "Golden Rule" ). Now I hadn't talked to him in almost a month and was feeling pretty good about not having to talk to him ever again. He left me a message saying that he's been busy with work but would love to get together for dinner. What the hell?! Is this guy bi-polar? Did he forget that when I told him he over reacted, he hung the phone up on me like a 17 year old? Or that he flipped out on me about paying for drinks during our date?

I didn't bother to return his call and had already decided that if he called back, I'd tell him I was seeing someone. But while I was thinking of how to handle Roger, it occurred to me that he might start calling me non-stop. Fuck. So far I haven't heard from him but who knows when he's going to forget that we don't talk and decide to call me again.

Dorks need not apply

2008-08-09T00:32:00.000-07:00

Since I'm always trolling CL for dates/casual sex, I often find myself meeting people who truly have no business talking to me. Now I like to give people a chance, so some of this is my own fault. So when they send over their crappy photo where I can't really tell where they start and the Babylon 5 shirt ends, I stupidly give them the benefit of the doubt. I should really know better but I've been pleasantly surprised on a bad photo.

So its under this banner of kindness, that I find myself meeting a guy who sent me a picture where it looked like he was cutting a fart. After going to a work related cocktail party, I tipsily meet Dan at a Thai restaurant. His meeting location should have been a tip off- I hate Thai food. Right after I met Dan, I knew I wanted to leave. He really did look like the farty guy in the picture. Damn! I could have been at home watching TV and eating snacks. Well I'm already here, so I might as well tough it out.

Dan tells me that he just got fired from his job the day before for making an inappropriate joke. I ask what the joke is and he hints around what he said; I'm not interested enough to pursue it more than that. Although Dan isn't cute- he looks like two people I know and his body shape is best described as doughy- he is actually a pretty nice guy and we have a similar sense of humor. So I'm enjoying his company but the whole time trying to figure out how to say, "Thanks but no thanks".

Finally we get to leave the Thai restaurant and all the while I've been aloof about getting together again. As well as how I feel about him. Dan has already told me that he's attracted to me and would like to get together again. Argh, I was hoping not to have to address this. Didn't this guy get the memo on how to tell when a girl's not interested? And then I remember that this guy probably hasn't had many real dates, so I'm going to have to lay it on the line. I'm still hoping that I don't have to tell this guy that: 1) I'm not attracted to him, 2)I'm out of his league and 3)I'm no where near drunk enough to think this a good idea.

Dan asks me for a ride home and like an idiot, I give him one. The whole ride he's asking me about getting together and suggesting things we can do. Fuck! In my younger days I would have told this guy to beat it but as I've gotten older, I've gotten soft. I give the obligatory, "yeah maybe" respond to every suggestion. Although I'm a very cool chick, I drive a piece of shit car. And when we get to his house, I have to open the door for him- my passenger door doesn't open from the inside. Once he gets out of the car, he decides to push his tongue down my throat! Yuck.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Dan guilted me into having dinner with him the following week. After the meal, I went back to his house and we watched Code Monkeys. As the evening goes on, I'm start telling Dan that he looks too much like two of my friends and that we can't be naked friends. Then in an unexpected move, he took all of his clothes off and offered to have sex with me. I gently said no thank you and then he said "how about I give you some oral sex before you give your final answer". Fortunately for him, I'm like a junkie when it comes getting oral sex.

He does a have decent job of eating me out but he needs to work on washing his ass because he smells like I doesn't know how to wipe. After letting him eat me out, I decide to just fuck him because I'm already there. Much like I expected, he's a sorry lay. After a few minutes of talking, I get up to go home. I haven't talked to Dan since. He keeps calling me and emailing me but I don't return his calls or emails because I can't chance that I'd make the same mistake again.

I'm falling for my Booty Call

2008-07-31T16:57:00.000-07:00

As a girl with who maintains a steady stream of regular partners, I'm in a situation that I'm a little embarrassed by. I'm really starting to be into one of my booty calls. Right now, I'm maintaining 3 regular BCs (booty calls) with a steady stream of alternates. But there is one guy that I'm really drawn to. It could be that he's offering something I can't say no to - oral sex with no reciprociation.

Now I've always thought that when people say no reciprocation, they're lying. I couldn't imagine that anyone would make this offer without expecting anything in return. But it turned out that this was a rare case of truth in advertising. I thought Terry was ok looking; kind of like your average soccer dad. Which is ironic because he has two kids that play soccer. Terry is very different from the usual guy I would chose for a BC. He's older than me, has gray hair and has kids. But despite all of those drawbacks, he has been charming me like nobody's business.

I find myself spending the night at his house whenever I see him unless I have to be somewhere early in the morning. Before I leave, he asks me when I'll be coming back. I've seen him as much as 3 days in a row, about 5 times in a week. When I'm not there, I'm looking forward to when I'll see him again. This is a lot of devotion to someone who hesitates to take his clothes off around me. And who seems uninterested in having sex with me. His sole focus is on my pleasure and I love it!

I've been trying to resist his charm but I'm failing miserably. He does every thing I like: he eats me out until I beg him to stop, he kisses me like I'm leaving for a month, smokes me out every time and holds me all night while we sleep. How can I defend myself from that? But vanity keeps me struggling because he could be better looking. One day we went outside to get some food and a beer. I got a good look at him in the light and wasn't that happy with what I saw. As we sat in the bar, the people around us were busy trying to figure out why we were together. In an effort to get a grip, I turned to my friends for advice. Surprisingly, they all said I should give this guy a chance. What?! Shouldn't they be supporting my decision to screw as much as possible?

But now I find that I'm more interested in spending time with Terry. He doesn't ask me to do anything extra (see post on 6/29), he doesn't care if I shave or not, he doesn't care what I wear. He's made it more difficult for me to deal my younger BCs- they are now so annoying. I'm thinking about cutting off my BCs. I don't know if Terry sees other people- I've never asked and don't really think I could stand it if he told me he did. But given his availablity for me, I tend to think he doesn't. I also would feel bad telling him that I see other people. Damn that Catholic guilt!

I guess I'll have to worry about it later; I need to get ready to go to the movies with Terry. We've been doing things outside recently and no matter how much I try, I like Terry.

Trying something new

2008-07-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

Since I'm unemployed right now, I have time to try all kinds of projects that having a job would prevent. And while looking for a job is one of those projects, let's be honest, it's summer time and working is not what I want to be doing. Since I can't really fill my day with TV watching- I've tried it several times but then I feel like a loser for blowing the entire day in front of the TV-now seems like a good time as any to get on those crazy projects.

Currently on my list of projects: making wine, jam and mole. My parents have two plum trees that are overflowing with fruit. After a visit where they shoved plums on everyone who was there, I left with about 20 pounds of plums. Armed with plums and loads of free time, I decided to make plum wine. I've never made wine before but I figured, I can read and if my non-drinking father can make wine, so can I. Right now I'm on day 10 of the wine experiment. I'm about 5 days away from bottling this pink colored concoction. I tasted the wine when I changed it from the fermentation bucket to the fermenting bottle and it tastes like sweet grain alcohol! In about 5 days, I'll be putting this mess in bottles. I'll give you an update on how it tastes in about 2 months. I think next week I'll start making potato wine. It's only about 3 steps away from vodka. I figure what the hell. I have time to make the transition from wine to vodka.

I also made 8 cups of plum jam. I haven't made jam since I was a teenager, so it was kind of like doing it for the first time. I didn't buy enough jars and there was sticky jam all over the kitchen. Now I'm trying to find anyone who's interested in jam to give them some. The jam tastes pretty good- it's just a lot sweeter than I'd like it to be. But it'll be the perfect backdrop for my homemade barbecue sauce which will be made later this week. I think I'll be using some of that jam to cover my regular booty call- he already said he's open to it.

All that's left on my short list of projects is to make the complex, Mexican sauce known as mole. This is a dish that I've seen on numerous travel shows and cooking shows but know that it's so involved that my Mexican grandmother won't make it. I've got a good recipe that calls for 20 ingredients, all of which need to be roasted, ground down and mixed together. This will take all day. But I've got nothing but free time, so why not.

I'll keep you posted on my culinary experiments. I know you thought all I did was have ridiculous experiences with boys. But even the Wildhairgirl likes to kick it up a notch in the kitchen.

The Golden Rule of Dating- No Psychos!

2008-07-06T20:15:00.000-07:00

Although I usually meet men via Craigslist, every now and then I meet men while being outside. A few weeks ago, I had just such an encounter. Now granted, I was at a bookstore so I could meet a guy in the stairwell and give him my underwear but I was outside nonetheless. So when I was leaving the bookstore, I got on the elevator to the parking lot. As the door was starting to close, a man came running towards it and asked me to hold the elevator. Normally this request would result in me closing the door on his face. It's never intentional; I just never press the right button. But today luck was on his side. The door opened up and after he got on, he proceeded to introduce himself. He was kind of cute and very friendly. After talking to him for about 20 minutes in the parking lot, he suggested we go get a drink. 2 hours and a few margaritas later, we're walking back to our cars making out on the street like teenagers. Some heavy petting ensued and we make plans to get together later that week.

Roger calls me the next day and asks if we can move our date up because he doesn't want to wait until Friday. I'm flattered and happily say yes. He tries to invite himself over to my house for dinner. But I don't know him that well and I don't want to clean my house for him; I barely do that for people I already know. When he hears the hesitation in my voice, he suggests taking me out to dinner. Since I don't get many dinner invites, I wasn't exactly sure what to do. But after a few seconds of astonishment, I say yes. We meet for dinner, have drinks and some naked touching. All in all, a good time so we make plans to go out again.

A few days later Roger and I have plans to go out on a Saturday. We don't meet up until after 8pm, we decide to go and have drinks but no dinner. All night long we go to bar after bar and having a pretty good time. At the last bar of the night, I notice that Roger is chewing the plastic straws on the bar like there is no tomorrow. I say to him, how many of those straws are you going chew? And without a second thought, he flips out! He snaps at me, when do you plan on paying for a drink? And you didn't even say thank you for the dinner I bought you! Now when he starts in on this, I start thinking "I need to leave". But it's 1:30am, I'm a half hour from home, he drove and public transit stopped running an hour ago. I immediately start thinking about a friend who lives about 10 minutes from there and wonder if he'll answer his cell phone when I call. Eventually I get Roger to calm down and we leave the bar.

We go back to my house and have a nice time. The next day I get a text from Roger asking if I've ever been truthful. It seemed odd but I just let it go. I see him a few days later at his house, where he tells me about his childhood filled with abuse and molestation. I listen and try to be supportive but all the while I'm thinking, "that explains a lot". You have to understand, Roger is a conservative, religious type and with some rage issues. Granted I didn't know about these problems when I met him- he seemed totally reasonable. So even though he knew I'm very liberal and non-religious, he still wanted to hang out with me. So I thought, I should try and be as understanding. After I leave his house, I get a text from Roger. This time he calls me a motherfucking liar. I immediately write back asking if this text is for me. When I don't hear from him, I can only assume that it was for me.

A week passes and Roger calls to ask why hasn't he heard from me. I tell him about the text and he says it wasn't for me and that he's sorry I got it. So we're talking on the phone and I'm trying to think of a way to say to him I don't want to see him anymore without being shitty. I say we can get together and hang out but it can't lead to sex; I'm uncomfortable with it. We continue to talk and he tells me a story of how the girl that was serving his dinner belittled him. I tell him that he should let it go. He asks what would I have done. I say I would have rolled my eyes, said whatever and went about my business. I don't care what the food server has to say, we're not peers or collegues. I tell him again, "you over reacted" and "you should let it go". He kept saying that she was belitting him. We go back and forth on this for a while and then he hangs up on me! What the hell! We're not 17 and in high school. Hanging up on someone is no way to prove that you don't overeact. I immediately get a nasty text from him. I'm greeted the next morning to another nasty text.

Now I knew he had the perfect background to be full blown crazy; abused, molestated, religious and conservative. To be honest, I don't even know why he chose to talk to me given how different our beliefs are. One of my sisters asked if he'd ever been to my house and then mentioned that I should be careful because he might show up at my house. Thanks alot. Now I'm worried that any time I open the door, he could be outside or that I'll come home and see something spray painted on the side of my house. A week passed and then I was greeted by another nasty text. So far there hasn't been any problems aside from a random text but I still worry. That's the last time I try to go out with someone who's believes are so different than mine.

This experience reinforced what a friend said to me-remember the golden rule of dating, No Psychos!

Bored with Casual Sex

2008-06-29T00:50:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week I came to startling realization- I'm bored with casual sex. I didn't even think this was possible. I love the fact that I can and have, had sex with someone different every night of the week. Thank you internet dating. I had just left a hook up and while replaying the events in my head, I started being agitated. The guy I had been with-Peter- was a little more demanding than I like a casual hook up to be. We met under the guise of having a more "serious" relationship. But when our first meeting was going to be at his hotel room, I knew that more serious relationship talk was just a ruse.

So now I find myself in a position where I have to act like I'm interested in doing whatever they feel like doing. I maintain my personal limits but with some people, I have to spend a lot of time reinforcing my boundaries. I find myself having to explain that I don't like having sperm anywhere on my body, that everything needs to stay out of my butt and that if they try to break those rules, I'm punching them in the face. Add to that the never ending battle of requests from my partners: will you dress slutty, talk dirty to me, reenact the Karma Sutra, have sex with someone else while they watch and the ever popular- do you like girls?

What I want to know is, can't someone just be interested in having sex with me without all the add ons? I'm bringing my great rack, excellent blow job skills and a willingness to have a lot of sex. Can't that be enough? Why do I have to be the embodiment of all things pornographic? Just because you saw it in a movie or think about it when you're jerking off, doesn't mean I want to do it. And if I happen to drunk enough or high enough to agree to one of your requests, don't expect me to be excited. Just be happy that you got over on me.

I guess I need to put some energy into finding a proper relationship. That way I don't have to keep my shoes on during sex, wear a wig or do anything extra. Finding someone to keep around is a lot harder than hooking up with random dudes. And unfortunately I'm incredibly lazy, so I probably won't find a good man but instead will keep saying, "That's on my no list".

Help I'm addicted to Craigslist

2008-06-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

So this afternoon as I was getting into the car, a strange sensation came over me. I tried to shrug it off but it just wouldn't go away. And then it hit me, I might be suffering from an addiction. I've seen Intervention, I know some of the signs of addiction: lying, cravings, irresponsiblity, lack of focus. I wasn't suffering from any of those things. But I did feel like something was going on. And then it hit me- I'm addicted to Craigslist.

For anyone who's been under a rock, Craigslist is a website that offers everything from jobs, dates and items for sale. Hell they even made a movie about it- 24 hours on Craigslist. For me it's like a magically fantasy land on the web where anything I could possibly want is available. A new job, it's there. A free concert ticket, it's there. A used pair of Conga drums, it's there. A guy who would buy me dinner and then provide me with any or all of the following: drinks, sex, drugs- it's there.

So now I find myself searching Craigslist everyday like my life depended on it. And being a fairly attractive woman gives me the freedom to use Craigslist like a giant shopping center. It is my favorite place to find booty calls and other kinds of random sexual acts. Among the things I've replied to and done: giving my underwear to a stranger in a stairwell, overindulging in weed that someone else provides, nude sunbathing (I have brown skin already) and getting a massage with an oral finish.

The unbridled power I feel from doing these things has led me to want to challenge Craigslist. I now find myself trying to think of what I could ask for on Craigslist that someone would say no to. When I asked for someone to smoke me out and eat me out, over 125 people said they would. When I asked for someone to take me to a dinner of my choosing, 100 people said they'd be happy to have my company. When I asked if someone would have sex with a fat, lazy girl with an unflattering description, who wouldn't be doing anything extra (not an accurate description of myself), 200 people were interested. And it wasn't your usual lot of chubby chasers.

So I'm taking suggestions on what to ask for. If you have a suggestion, please shoot it over to me. I'll be sure to consider it seriously while I'm trying to figure out what the nude handyman should fix at my house.

On Vacation

2008-05-22T22:06:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, I had the good fortune to take a trip to Mexico. I spent two weeks driving around Northern Mexico by myself. Luckily my Spanish is good enough to make traveling alone in Mexico a possiblity. So after a few days with my family, I was ready for some adventures and they were lurking just around the corner. I got into a perfectly preserved colonial town called Alamos. It was the kind of town that you see on travel shows; the people are friendly, the streets are easy to navigate, there's something great to look at on every street and the citizens happily mingle with tourists.

So in this beautiful setting, I found myself desperately looking for someplace to hide from the scorching heat. I had already talked to the cute tourism information guy for longer than I wanted to but his office was air conditioned and there was cold water. And I couldn't drink any more beer in the park- I looked like a degenerate alcoholic. A small note about drinking in Mexico and most of Latin America. Once you get out of the areas that cater to drunk Americans, you don't see women drinking on the street or in bars. The only kind of women that are in bars are the kind you pay for. So in my quest to find someplace away from the sun - it was 106 degrees-I walked past a bar with music coming out of it. Since I know I couldn't look any worse than I did drinking beer in the park, I entered the bar.

As I walked in, I was greeted by a sea of men wearing cowboy hats. It felt like everyone looked up at once when I walked in. And everyone watched me walk over to the bar and order a drink. As I sat at a table, I realized I'd walked into the Mexican equivalent of "Bob's Country Bunker" from the original Blues Brothers movie. They had the requisite taxidermy animals on the walls, people spitting on the floor and a crappy band playing Banda music. Most of the crowd was drunk and this place only served beer. It was 3 o'clock in the afternoon! Clearly some of these people had tequila for breakfast. There were two other women in the bar- one I'm positive had been a man before and the other one was really fat and not wearing enough clothes to cover her gut or varicose veins.

As I sat by myself drinking a beer, every drunk guy in the place felt like the thing to do was come by and talk to me. It was like being on the worse dating game ever. Thankfully some old guy next to me bought me another drink and didn't try to talk to me. While sitting there, I decided to check out the band. As I looked at the band, I noticed that the bass player was very cute. I immediately decided to stick around until the band took a break so I could talk to the bass player. I'm on vacation, shouldn't I be throwing myself at some two-bit musician?

So the band goes on a break and I walk up to the bass player and introduce myself. He looks young but he's cute, so I'm over it. We talk a little bit and he tells me to come back around 6pm when the band will be done. So I went back to my hotel to take a shower and a nap. I wake up from my nap at 7:30 and decide that hooking up with the bass player wasn't meant to be. So I get dressed and go out to get two tacos and a beer- the perfect Mexican meal. While I'm looking for my tacos, I hear someone call my name. It's the bass player.

He invites me to join him and his friend. They're driving out to a look out point in the city. Against my better judgement, I get in the mini-van with them. About five minutes into the ride, I start thinking about how this is clearly the worst decision I've ever made and I will probably not make it out of this situation. But the bass player is kind of drunk and keeping trying to make out with me. He tells his friend to take us back to my hotel.

We go back to my hotel room and the bass player proceeds to throw himself at me. I ask him how old he is. He says 20. I ask him if he knows how old I am, he's say 40. I'm quick to point out I'm not 40. I ask him again how old he is, he says 25. I figure he's probably 20 but he's already in my room, so I say fuck it. He's fighting me about using a condom. He says he doesn't have anything and I say me neither but I don't know what you've been doing up until this point. But I know what I've been doing up until that point and it's in everyone's best interest to use condoms. We then proceed to have the most unsatisfying, stupid, uninspired sex ever. In the middle of it, I start thinking that if I'd gotten my two tacos, I would be more satisfied. Now I'm trying to find the words to tell him to finish up and get out. I can't tell him he sucks at this or that I want to get tacos instead of having sex with him.

He finally finishes up and I immediately start getting dressed. While we're having awkward post sex conversation, the bass player tells me that he's 19 years old. I kind of freak out. This kid is half my age! And while he's "of age", I don't want to be having sex with teenagers. So while I'm having a mini freak out, the bass player is still talking. I have no idea what he's saying because all I can think is: I should have gotten those tacos and when is he leaving? I tell him he has to leave. I walk him out of the hotel and he asks me when will he see me again. What?! I don't want that crappy sex again. I tell him probably never-I'm leaving town the next day. He leans in and gives me a kiss on the cheek. And then whispers into my ear- I'm really only 18!

I go back to my room to try and shake off what I'd just heard. And then it hits me, that bass player was probably only 17 years old. Damn! I didn't want to go on vacation and become a child molester. So now I require ID every time I meet someone who looks young.

The Question of Farts

2008-05-16T00:16:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I found myself in a situation that that I'm sure has come up for more women then we'd like to admit. I needed to fart and didn't feel like I could wouldn't it being noticed. Let me give you the background.

After a night of indulging in a leafy green substance with a male friend (Sam)-who much to my dismay was being a complete gentleman-I needed to spend the night at his house. While I enjoyed the comfort of his bed, he slept in a chair. I tried to get him to join me in the bed but when he didn't take my bait, I decided to let it go-I was too tired to put much energy into it. When the morning came, I woke up and realized I needed to fart. I knew I couldn't use the the bathroom; aside from being out of toilet paper, the bathroom opened into the bedroom. And if I fart in the bathroom, Sam will hear it; I haven't known him long enough for that to be ok. I thought about letting it out in the bed but I could tell that it was the kind of fart that was going to make a lot of noise. Not smelly, just noisy. Since he was in a chair just to my right, I made the only decision I could- I sucked that fart back into my body.

Now I had a stomach ache from sucking in my fart and I realized I needed to get out of there. But I didn't want to leave- I was holding out for breakfast. In our hazy state, Sam had said he would make bacon and eggs for breakfast. I love bacon, so I had to stick around. Also Sam had talked up his skills with eggs to the point where even a person who generally doesn't eat eggs (me) wanted them. I mean, there hadn't been any inappropriate touching- the least he could do was make me breakfast. So now I was in a battle between my belly and butt. Both needed attention but only one could win.

I continued to lie in the bed, wishing I could fart. I let out a little fart to see if that was an option but it made noise and I start to worry that Sam would hear me. Now many of friends told me that I should have farted and let that be the end of that. But I knew that if Sam farted in my presence, I'd think he was a pig. So there I was stuck sucking in my farts waiting for Sam to wake up and walk out of the room. How did my life come to this?

Eventually I got out of the bed and Sam woke up. We started talking about the breakfast that I'd been waiting for. Finally I thought, I'll get something I want. After a few minutes of talking, Sam remembers that we cooked all of the bacon the night before so breakfast is out of the question. What?! I stayed here all morning, holding in this fart for nothing! What the fuck! Now I have to get out of there and not look pissed. Luckily one of the positive side effects of overindulging, is that no one questions when you get up and say I gotta go.

So as I walked out into the bright daylight, I was still holding in my fart and trying not to be angry about not getting breakfast. Once I got in the car, I let that fart go and almost immediately was over not getting breakfast. The next time I talked to Sam, he invited me over for more leafy indulgence. I passed because I didn't want another night of no inappropriate touching and having to hold in my farts.

Mother's Day

2008-05-11T19:13:00.001-07:00

Today is Mother's Day and while that doesn't exact fit into the overall theme of this blog, I think it's worth talking about. I come from a large family- I have five younger sisters (no brothers)-so birthdays and holidays are usually a big deal. When it's a birthday or holiday that pertains to my parents, my sisters and I have stopped trying to do something nice. Now we try to think of the most embarrassing/shameful/ridiculous experience possible.

To give you some idea of what I'm talking about, here are some things we've done in the past: wearing old prom and bridemaids dresses to Thanksgiving dinner, wearing big stupid hats at a college graduation, bringing signs to restaurants, pretending to faint because we haven't started eating. It's in this vein, that my sisters and I decided that the only way to celebrate Mother's day was to take our mother bowling. Recognize that no one in my family bowls and going bowling is not anything that we would normally do. But we liked that bowling was as close as you can get to doing nothing while still doing something. We also liked that bowling was time controlled- 2 hours.

After making this momentus decision, I had to tell my dad what our plans were. I could tell that he was hoping for something nicer when he said "Bowling? That's what you really want to do?". I told him how fun it would be and why not. Lucky for me, my father has given up on trying to make sense out of my decisions. Since we were going for ridiculous, we decided to get the party pack and make a party out of it. We brought cake, everyone wore shirts with funny sayings and I got my mom a bowling shirt. And much to my surprise, we all had a very good time. We had such a good time in fact, we're thinking of doing the same thing for father's day.

The nice thing about my mom is that she just wanted to spend time with her daughters on mother's day. All the while keeping hope alive that one of us will give her the gift she really wants on mother's day- a son-in-law. She doesn't like it when we call our dogs her "granddogs" or get drunk at family events but she still loves us anyway. So I'd like to say happy mother's day mom! Here's hoping that I can keep doing questionable things behind my mother's back.

So here we are

2008-05-10T16:21:00.000-07:00

I'd like to start by welcoming everyone who's wondered onto this site. I hope this blog doesn't turn out to be another big waste of your time. If you're still reading, then I might have you hooked or you have a lot of free time. I have a lot of free time, so I thought "why not start a blog". Living in the SF bay area and being a fairly attractive woman, I've been leading a pretty fun life. But sometimes a situation comes up that no one ever prepared me for. Combine that with my willingness to make bad decisions and I have a wealth of knowledge to share.

I'll share my stories of the different things that have happened and how I handled it. Feel free to email me with questions, I love giving my opinion. Thanks for reading.

The Wildhairgirl