So its under this banner of kindness, that I find myself meeting a guy who sent me a picture where it looked like he was cutting a fart. After going to a work related cocktail party, I tipsily meet Dan at a Thai restaurant. His meeting location should have been a tip off- I hate Thai food. Right after I met Dan, I knew I wanted to leave. He really did look like the farty guy in the picture. Damn! I could have been at home watching TV and eating snacks. Well I'm already here, so I might as well tough it out.
Dan tells me that he just got fired from his job the day before for making an inappropriate joke. I ask what the joke is and he hints around what he said; I'm not interested enough to pursue it more than that. Although Dan isn't cute- he looks like two people I know and his body shape is best described as doughy- he is actually a pretty nice guy and we have a similar sense of humor. So I'm enjoying his company but the whole time trying to figure out how to say, "Thanks but no thanks".
Finally we get to leave the Thai restaurant and all the while I've been aloof about getting together again. As well as how I feel about him. Dan has already told me that he's attracted to me and would like to get together again. Argh, I was hoping not to have to address this. Didn't this guy get the memo on how to tell when a girl's not interested? And then I remember that this guy probably hasn't had many real dates, so I'm going to have to lay it on the line. I'm still hoping that I don't have to tell this guy that: 1) I'm not attracted to him, 2)I'm out of his league and 3)I'm no where near drunk enough to think this a good idea.
Dan asks me for a ride home and like an idiot, I give him one. The whole ride he's asking me about getting together and suggesting things we can do. Fuck! In my younger days I would have told this guy to beat it but as I've gotten older, I've gotten soft. I give the obligatory, "yeah maybe" respond to every suggestion. Although I'm a very cool chick, I drive a piece of shit car. And when we get to his house, I have to open the door for him- my passenger door doesn't open from the inside. Once he gets out of the car, he decides to push his tongue down my throat! Yuck.
As if that wasn't bad enough, Dan guilted me into having dinner with him the following week. After the meal, I went back to his house and we watched Code Monkeys. As the evening goes on, I'm start telling Dan that he looks too much like two of my friends and that we can't be naked friends. Then in an unexpected move, he took all of his clothes off and offered to have sex with me. I gently said no thank you and then he said "how about I give you some oral sex before you give your final answer". Fortunately for him, I'm like a junkie when it comes getting oral sex.
He does a have decent job of eating me out but he needs to work on washing his ass because he smells like I doesn't know how to wipe. After letting him eat me out, I decide to just fuck him because I'm already there. Much like I expected, he's a sorry lay. After a few minutes of talking, I get up to go home. I haven't talked to Dan since. He keeps calling me and emailing me but I don't return his calls or emails because I can't chance that I'd make the same mistake again.
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