Merry Xmas- Happy New Year

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays and this year, it was especially good. Terry and I had a special guest over on Xmas eve and he definitely made my spirit bright. Hands down this guy was the best looking, best body and best lay out of all the guests. He even asked about when he could return before he left the house. Merry Christmas!

Now that Xmas is over, the next holiday is New Year's Eve. I'm not really a fan of NYE; it's totally overrated. There's the expectation that you have to have a great time and when you don't, you feel like a loser. Add to that, the fact that people who don't drink are getting drunk and people who drink are getting smashed. Leaving the house on NYE doesn't make much sense unless you're going somewhere you can stay. That's not to say that I haven't had fun on NYE in the past. I had a great time in Vegas, where me and my best friend picked up a Croatian guy and stayed out with him until 8am the next day. And on my first trip to London, I was there for NYE and me and my bff made out with strangers and even the same guy.

Right now I don't have any plans for tomorrow-NYE. It doesn't help that I'm totally broke, so I can't afford to do anything anyway. Since Terry is basically my boyfriend, I asked him what he wanted to do for NYE. He said that he was planning on spending NYE in his basement. What the hell?! The basement? I told Terry I didn't want to spend NYE in his basement. He asked why now? And then proceeded to tell me that he always did that on NYE. I suggested coming to my house- it would definitely be more fun. He was skeptical but not against it. We'll see what happens.

Houston, I think we have a problem

Now that Terry is full of joy- maybe it's the season- and we're getting along great, a small problem has come up. For the past two months, we've been having someone extra join us in the bedroom (see T is for Threeway). I wasn't into it and I resisted at every turn. But now that I've done it a few times, I'm starting to like it. And this is where the problem comes in.

When picking the guys who join us, I usually pick someone who is everything that Terry isn't: young, great body, super easy on the eyes and hung like a horse. That's not to say that Terry doesn't have his good qualities. He's mature, has a decent body, sexy gray hair and average length. I could probably do better but he's far from being the worse I could do. But these "special guests" are just a thousand times better than Terry. It's like I finally get to have my cake and eat it too.

I'm not sure how to deal with the fact that I'm starting to enjoy our special guests a little too much. As a person who likes sex, I've enjoyed the act of being with the special guests but right now we have two that I would like to see more often. Both of them come via CL; Matt the grad student and Rob the physical trainer. They have a few similarities: great bodies, great faces and great dicks. My real problem is how do I tell Terry that I want to see these guys again without him getting jealous or feeling hurt?

I know he'd love it if I said I want to see them again- he loves watching me but he's not going to want to see too much excitement on my face. After our first special guest, he confided that he worried that I might be having too much fun. I guess I'll just try to be interested but not too interested.

Why are you being so nice?

Sorry about the delay in updating the blog. With the holiday season and school coming to an end, I've been a little distracted.

One thing that has happened is that Terry has been exceedingly nice. Almost too nice. Which has got me wondering "why are you being so nice?" I've been seeing him everyday and he's been full of warmth. Naturally I took this to some of my friends. The answers ranged from "it's about time" to "that's cuz' he's your boyfriend". There's no real way to ask someone why their being nice. It kind of defeats the purpose. I like to think that Terry has finally realized that he can't do better than me. I mean really; I'm fun to be around, easy on the eyes, like to put out and will blow the whole day away watching football.

While I've been wondering about Terry's niceness, I've been getting text messages from a kid that I hooked up with one time. He has been texting me like his life depends on us getting together. I keep telling him I'm not available and he just won't hear it. It's always "what about tonight? tomorrow? next week?" I don't know if I can keep being busy. I wouldn't mind seeing him but he has too many "special requests" for me to really consider going. Sometimes I want to tell Terry, "hey dude you better keep being nice cuz' there are others waiting to take your place". But that's not very nice, so I haven't said anything. I mean he's being nice, so shouldn't I?

Looks like your days are numbered

Now that Thanksgiving is over and my refrigerator is full of leftovers, it's time to get back to my day to day life. If you've been following my blog, you know that I've been spending most of my free time with Terry. Well I think that's about to end.

This week hasn't been Terry's best week in my book. I saw Terry on Sunday and we made plans to get together on Monday after I had a dinner with a friend in from New York. On a total aside, I hadn't seen my friend Jessie in over a year- so everything else was going to be secondary. After I drop off Jessie at Bart, I call Terry so we can get together. He tells me we'll have to get push to Tuesday because he's still with his kids. So on Tuesday comes and I had set something up with Adam (see T is for three way) but I'm not feeling well, so I don't want to be bothered. Terry pitches a fit and we proceed to have a fight via email. What the fuck?! I had already told him that we couldn't get together on Wednesday since it's right before Thanksgiving and I'd need to be cooking that day. Of course Thanksgiving day was out of the question. So on Friday, I got a pissy voicemail from Terry about how he's "bored and not having fun" and that "I'll probably be unavailable like before for a month." Again what the fuck?!

At this point I'm asking myself why I'm still wasting time with him. I mean, I'm sure I could find someone else to eat me out for hours at a time. But right now I think curiosity is the reason. I'd hate to stop seeing him before I get to fuck him. I'll have to put more energy into making that happen and starting to line up his replacement.

What's really going on?

As you know, I had sex with two guys for Terry's personal enjoyment. I had a good time but I could easily not do it again. I'm embarrassed to say that I'm really interested in just having sex with just one person. Around the same time Terry finally told me why I'm not having sex with him. About a year ago, he had a tumor removed and has been taking lots of drugs that affect his ability to perform sexually. He even told me that he got a prescription for Viagra and on the day he took it, I came over and fell asleep.

So now Terry is always trying to get me to have sex with different guys. And whenever I'm like can't it wait, he gets bent out of shape. I can't believe how selfish he is. When I asked him how often he thought this should happen, he said once a week! I'm not that interested. And whenever I balk at his requests, he picks a fight. He likes to focus on how I was seeing other people when we first got together. What the hell?! I shouldn't have to explain what I was doing to him. He said he was seeing other people then but I think he wasn't- he gets too mad when this topic comes up.

During our last "fight" it occurred to me that the problem with Terry is that he's really into me. It's the only explanation that makes sense. Otherwise why would he gets so angry? While he was making his case, I wanted to yell "just admit that you care about me!" He must think that the walls are going to cave in if he admits that. I mean, we've been seeing each other exclusively for the last 4 months. For an old man he sure can be childish.

T is for three way

So after much thought, I decided to go ahead and give in to Terry's request to watch me have sex with another man. And last week it happened.

Without telling Terry, I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a guy to have sex with. I also had a two guys that I had hooked up with before that I thought would be a good choice for the job- DJ Rob and Jamie. DJ Rob is a going looking guy who naturally works as a DJ and is an amazing lay. Imagine a visceral connection that is fueled by so much energy any chance I get to hook up with Rob I take. In addition to being a great lay, he turned me on to the nude beach. Thanks so much. Jamie was a guy I hooked up with who lives too far away-over an hour and he has a ton requests; wear this, say that, etc. He's a good lay and had asked me about fucking one of his friends, so I knew he'd be down but he's too much work.

After getting 100 responses to my post, I told Terry about it and send him about 10 that I liked. Naturally he was very excited that I'd agreed to his request and couldn't wait to make it happen. Every time we talked, he asked about when it was going to happen. Everytime we got together he wanted to know if that day was the day it was going to happen. It was kind of annoying. I asked DJ Rob and he said he was in.

So now in one week, I had sex with two guys while Terry watched. Although I was really looking forward to having sex with DJ Rob, it didn't turn out that good. He couldn't maintain an erection and didn't finish the job. The next day DJ Rob emailed me and said that Terry was creeping him out. That makes sense- I thought Terry was a little creepy when I first met him. Even Terry mentioned that daytime sex was probably not a good idea. The only down side is that now I owe DJ Rob a favor that he can call in any time.

But the whole experience wasn't a bust. The guy from Craigslist- Adam- was amazing! We spoke on the phone before hand and he seemed very nice. Adam's only down fall was that he really wanted to hang out and Terry was pretty focused on that not happening. As it was, Adam came in while Terry and I were still talking so he got to talk to both of us before hand. Then I proceeded to have incredible sex for the next 2 hours! When it was over, I was completely spent and starving. Terry was very happy that I had such a good time, although he later admitted that he was worried I might have had too good of a time.

All and all it wasn't too bad and I finally got to have sex after 3 months of waiting.

New look

I wanted to let everyone know that I decided to change the layout of the blog.  I liked the previous lay out but I don't think it was that easy to read.  So this new layout should be easier to read.  I hope you like it.

Three's company

I know find myself in the fun, albeit awkward position of being in two triangles.  Normally one would say "love triangles" but love isn't involved here.  These triangles are based on sex.  So maybe they should be called "sex triangles".

So when I first hooked up with Terry, I asked him if there was anything I could do for him.  I mean, he was eating me out for hours at a time and wanted nothing in return.  The least I could do was try and do something he liked.  I didn't know at the time that what he liked would be watching me fuck some other guy.  Since I didn't know him that well, I just blew this request off. I didn't feel doing anything extra for a guy I didn't know that well.  Fast forward 5 months and the same request has come up again. This time I gave it more thought and after much agonizing, I decided to say yes.

The other sex triangle involves two of my classmates.  As a refresher, I'm in cooking school and surrounded by lots of cute boys who cook.  In order to pass the first class, I must volunteer to work 22 hours at events the cooking school is catering.  A few weeks back, I was working an event with Sam the baker.  Sam looks like Jesse James - minus the bags of money and motorcycles- and is always friendly.  So while I'm doing the set up, Sam turns to me and says "I thought it was the new millennium".  I say it is and he says "so when are you going to ask me out?"  Kind of a clever intro and the confirmation that I needed about his interest in me. I probably would have waited another month or so before even thinking about asking him out.  I treat my classmates like co-workers and I don't like to shit where I eat.  I've done it twice before and it was weird afterwards both times.  

Now that you have the background, here's where the triangle part comes in.  Sam the baker's good friend is a guy named Clay, who was interested in asking me out. I don't find Clay attractive, so I told him that I have a boyfriend.  Clay was at the same event as myself and Sam the baker.  After the event Clay invited me to join him and Sam the baker for drinks.  I didn't have any plans, so I thought why not.  What I didn't know was that by drinks, he meant two tall cans of King Cobra. Drinking malt liquor was not what I thought I'd doing with my Saturday afternoon.  So while I'm drinking malt liquor in a car no less, Clay and Sam the baker are taking turns trying to figure out which one of them I like.  Then for no reason at all, each one gets out of the car momentarily so they can try and throw their best game at me.  It was really pointless. I already knew who I was into (Sam the Baker) and I was getting drunk as well as stoned (Sam the Baker had a joint), so I don't remember what either of them said.  Now when I see them at school, each one tries to get me alone from the other one.  What I don't understand is how Clay doesn't see that I'm not into him.

 

  

More Sex Old Man

You had to know that even after a brief hiatus, I'd back with more ridiculous stories to tell.   After another night of going out with Terry and then not getting any sex, I was forced to say something. After much thought, I decided that the best way to approach the subject was by laying the blame on me.  Mind you this was a very tough call because I was super pissed that I didn't get laid the night before.  As we're lying in the bed, I ask Terry if it's my imagination or was he less into me. He says that it's my imagination and then proceeds to tell me that: he's old and gets tired easy.  I say I understand but I'm too angry to even hear whatever else he has to say.  And now that I feel like Peggy Bundy but I'm too horny to even care.

So I put that aside and a few more days pass and I find myself asking about our lack of sex again.  I tell Terry that my expectation when we get together is that we're going to have sex every time.  He seems startled by this statement.  WTF?!  We met on a booty call.  I then remind him that he shouldn't have set the bar so high when we first got together that he wouldn't be able to maintain that; we use to have marathon sex sessions that would last 4 to 5 hours.  Again he pulls the age card.  Ugh!  Totally unacceptable.

Because I wouldn't let it go, I found out that Terry is often too "tired" for sex because he's busy jerking off 3-4 times a day!  Now I'm fine with self love- it's the safest and always satisfies.  But I'll take sex with others over solo sex any day.  So he's been wasting his good energy on himself. How selfish.  I mean he can be wasting all that energy on me.  I'm always ready for a romp.  

Recently he's been trying to return to the days of our first hook ups and it's been great.  I'll have to see how long that can last.   

   

What have I been doing?

I want to apologize to everyone for my long hiatus on the blog.  I don't even have a good excuse for not working on the blog.  My best friend has gone back to London, I've cut Terry back to twice a week and I haven't added any new booty.  So what has been keeping me away?  

Probably school. Since I don't have a job yet, I figured going to school seemed like a good idea. I've spent alot of time in school- like 24 years of my life- so I don't mind going back.  So now I'm finally pursuing my dream of attending culinary school.  It's pretty fun and the class is full of cute youngsters, so I'm happy about that, even if they are dumb as stumps.  That takes up 6 hours out of my day, 4 days out of the week.  So far I haven't learned much I didn't already know from cooking at home and eating out on a regular basis.  But it beats sitting at home wondering if I've already seen this episode of Law and Order.

I guess sheer laziness is probably what's kept me away from the blog.  I'm sure I could have found time to work on it.  I mean, I have time for a two hour nap every day after school.  But then again, a girl's got prioritize.  Come to think of it, I don't have any reason to be away from the blog.  I should probably give my Tivo a rest and put some energy into the blog.

So accept my apology and know that I'll be back with plenty of ridiculous and/or embarrassing stories.

I got it old man

So my best friend was in town for the last 3 weeks and I didn't work on the blog or getting any ass, which was a bummer.  Before she arrived, she told me that she wanted to meet Terry.  I told Terry and he said OK, we can go out for a drink.  So we pick a time to go to a movie at The Parkway in El Cerrito.  So a few minutes before the movie I'm outside looking for Terry.  He'd gone to the one in Oakland and wasn't going to make the movie.  I suggest that he join us for a drink after the movie.  Unfortunately he never shows up for our drink.  The next day he sends me a text saying he feel asleep when he got home.  I accept this answer- he's old, likes smoking weed and taking naps- that's the perfect combination for sleeping past things.

We make some new plans to get together another night at a bar.  To prevent confusion, I send Terry an email with the address of the bar and the meet time.  So we get dressed and go to the bar.  So there we are looking good, waiting at the bar, Terry never shows up.  We were late getting there, so I ask the bartender if an old man was there before we got there.  Naturally he said no.  We walk down the street to the other bar that was listed in the email, no dice.  He's not there either.

Kind of drunk and super pissed, we go home.  I talk to Terry the next day.  He apologizes for not joining us.  I tell him I'm pissed without acting too crazy- I mean, our status is still unknown.  He tells me he slept thru our meet time and didn't think we were waiting on him. What the fuck?!  He apologizes again and says he'll make it happen.  Of course he doesn't make it to our new meet date.  

I was disappointed that he couldn't make this simple request happen.  But I was totally pissed that he couldn't just man up and say he didn't want to meet her.  I could have accepted that a lot better than being stood up twice and having to deal with the embarrassment that goes along with that.  Luckily my best friend was just as pissed and disappointed as I was but understanding.  And if you think I'm overreacting, when I sent Terry an email about getting together for a romp in the hay- he was available the same day.  What a dick!  But I love getting dick, so I'll be there.  When I see him, I'll be sure to tell him that he could have manned up and said he didn't want to meet her.  But I if he's wondering, I got it.  We're just a booty call that sometimes goes outside.

Is he my boyfriend?

Shortly after I started this blog, I started seeing a Booty Call by the name of Terry.  As I've mentioned on other posts, we spend a lot of time together and about 2 months ago we started going outside to do things.  We go to the movies, we go to bars, we go out to eat, we make out in public.  But now I'm wondering, is he my boyfriend?

I haven't been seeing other guys, although my phone has been ringing from other guys.  But Terry is always inviting me over, sending me naughty texts and emails and basically taking up a lot of my time.  Now I have allowed Terry to take up a lot of my time and he's always available for me no matter what.  But is he my boyfriend?

At what point will I know?  I don't want to be childish and ask "are you my boyfriend?" or "what's going on between us?"  Maybe part of my hesitation has to do with my fear of hearing something other than, "we're dating".  But his roommates refer to me as his girlfriend and my friends feel like he's my boyfriend since I haven't hooked up with anyone in over a month.  Then there's the fact that I don't want to have to tell Terry that I've been sleeping with other guys up until about a month ago.  No one ever takes that information very well.

I won't be seeing Terry for two weeks since my best friend is in town from London.  But Terry is going to meet her this week and he'll probably be meeting my other friends who'll mysteriously be at the same place as us.  Since I've mostly had booty calls recently, I'm not sure what the rules are.  I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.  Or at least until my best friend tells me that he's too old.

The Psycho resurfaces

About a week ago, I got an unexpected phone call.  It was from Roger the psycho guy I went out with. (See post "Golden Rule" ).  Now I hadn't talked to him in almost a month and was feeling pretty good about not having to talk to him ever again.  He left me a message saying that he's been busy with work but would love to get together for dinner.  What the hell?!  Is this guy bi-polar?  Did he forget that when I told him he over reacted, he hung the phone up on me like a 17 year old?  Or that he flipped out on me about paying for drinks during our date?  

I didn't bother to return his call and had already decided that if he called back, I'd tell him I was seeing someone.  But while I was thinking of how to handle Roger, it occurred to me that he might start calling me non-stop.  Fuck.  So far I haven't heard from him but who knows when he's going to forget that we don't talk and decide to call me again. 

Dorks need not apply

Since I'm always trolling CL for dates/casual sex, I often find myself meeting people who truly have no business talking to me.  Now I like to give people a chance, so some of this is my own fault.  So when they send over their crappy photo where I can't really tell where they start and the Babylon 5 shirt ends, I stupidly give them the benefit of the doubt.  I should really know better but I've been pleasantly surprised on a bad photo.

So its under this banner of kindness,  that I find myself meeting a guy who sent me a picture where it looked like he was cutting a fart.  After going to a work related cocktail party, I tipsily meet Dan at a Thai restaurant.  His meeting location should have been a tip off- I hate Thai food.   Right after I met Dan, I knew I wanted to leave.  He really did look like the farty guy in the picture. Damn! I could have been at home watching TV and eating snacks.  Well I'm already here, so I might as well tough it out.  

Dan tells me that he just got fired from his job the day before for making an inappropriate joke. I ask what the joke is and he hints around what he said; I'm not interested enough to pursue it more than that.  Although Dan isn't cute- he looks like two people I know and his body shape is best described as doughy- he is actually a pretty nice guy and we have a similar sense of humor. So I'm enjoying his company but the whole time trying to figure out how to say, "Thanks but no thanks".  

Finally we get to leave the Thai restaurant and all the while I've been aloof about getting together again. As well as how I feel about him.  Dan has already told me that he's attracted to me and would like to get together again.  Argh, I was hoping not to have to address this.  Didn't this guy get the memo on how to tell when a girl's not interested?  And then I remember that this guy probably hasn't had many real dates, so I'm going to have to lay it on the line.  I'm still hoping that I don't have to tell this guy that: 1) I'm not attracted to him, 2)I'm out of his league and 3)I'm no where near drunk enough to think this a good idea.    

Dan asks me for a ride home and like an idiot, I give him one.  The whole ride he's asking me about getting together and suggesting things we can do.  Fuck!  In my younger days I would have told this guy to beat it but as I've gotten older, I've gotten soft.  I give the obligatory, "yeah maybe" respond to every suggestion.  Although I'm a very cool chick, I drive a piece of shit car. And when we get to his house, I have to open the door for him- my passenger door doesn't open from the inside.  Once he gets out of the car, he decides to push his tongue down my throat! Yuck.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Dan guilted me into having dinner with him the following week. After the meal, I went back to his house and we watched Code Monkeys.  As the evening goes on, I'm start telling Dan that he looks too much like two of my friends and that we can't be naked friends.  Then in an unexpected move, he took all of his clothes off and offered to have sex with me.  I gently said no thank you and then he said "how about I give you some oral sex before you give your final answer".  Fortunately for him, I'm like a junkie when it comes getting oral sex.  

He does a have decent job of eating me out but he needs to work on washing his ass because he smells like I doesn't know how to wipe.  After letting him eat me out, I decide to just fuck him because I'm already there.  Much like I expected, he's a sorry lay.  After a few minutes of talking, I get up to go home.  I haven't talked to Dan since.  He keeps calling me and emailing me but I don't return his calls or emails because I can't chance that I'd make the same mistake again.

I'm falling for my Booty Call

As a girl with who maintains a steady stream of regular partners, I'm in a situation that I'm a little embarrassed by.  I'm really starting to be into one of my booty calls.  Right now, I'm maintaining 3 regular BCs (booty calls) with a steady stream of alternates.  But there is one guy that I'm really drawn to.  It could be that he's offering something I can't say no to - oral sex with no reciprociation.  

Now I've always thought that when people say no reciprocation, they're lying.  I couldn't imagine that anyone would make this offer without expecting anything in return.  But it turned out that this was a rare case of truth in advertising.  I thought Terry was ok looking; kind of like your average soccer dad.  Which is ironic because he has two kids that play soccer.  Terry is very different from the usual guy I would chose for a BC.  He's older than me, has gray hair and has kids.  But despite all of those drawbacks, he has been charming me like nobody's business.  

I find myself spending the night at his house whenever I see him unless I have to be somewhere early in the morning.  Before I leave, he asks me when I'll be coming back.  I've seen him as much as 3 days in a row, about 5 times in a week.  When I'm not there, I'm looking forward to when I'll see him again.  This is a lot of devotion to someone who hesitates to take his clothes off around me.  And who seems uninterested in having sex with me.  His sole focus is on my pleasure and I love it!

I've been trying to resist his charm but I'm failing miserably.  He does every thing I like: he eats me out until I beg him to stop, he kisses me like I'm leaving for a month, smokes me out every time and holds me all night while we sleep.  How can I defend myself from that?  But vanity keeps me struggling because he could be better looking.  One day we went outside to get some food and a beer.  I got a good look at him in the light and wasn't that happy with what I saw.  As we sat in the bar, the people around us were busy trying to figure out why we were together.  In an effort to get a grip, I turned to my friends for advice.  Surprisingly, they all said I should give this guy a chance.  What?!  Shouldn't they be supporting my decision to screw as much as possible?

But now I find that I'm more interested in spending time with Terry.  He doesn't ask me to do anything extra (see post on 6/29), he doesn't care if I shave or not, he doesn't care what I wear. He's made it more difficult for me to deal my younger BCs- they are now so annoying.  I'm thinking about cutting off my BCs.  I don't know if Terry sees other people- I've never asked and don't really think I could stand it if he told me he did.  But given his availablity for me, I tend to think he doesn't.  I also would feel bad telling him that I see other people.  Damn that Catholic guilt!  

I guess I'll have to worry about it later; I need to get ready to go to the movies with Terry. We've been doing things outside recently and no matter how much I try, I like Terry.  

Trying something new

Since I'm unemployed right now, I have time to try all kinds of projects that having a job would prevent.  And while looking for a job is one of those projects, let's be honest, it's summer time and working is not what I want to be doing.  Since I can't really fill my day with TV watching- I've tried it several times but then I feel like a loser for blowing the entire day in front of the TV-now seems like a good time as any to get on those crazy projects.

Currently on my list of projects: making wine, jam and mole.  My parents have two plum trees that are overflowing with fruit.  After a visit where they shoved plums on everyone who was there, I left with about 20 pounds of plums.  Armed with plums and loads of free time, I decided to make plum wine.  I've never made wine before but I figured, I can read and if my non-drinking father can make wine, so can I.  Right now I'm on day 10 of the wine experiment. I'm about 5 days away from bottling this pink colored concoction.  I tasted the wine when I changed it from the fermentation bucket to the fermenting bottle and it tastes like sweet grain alcohol!  In about 5 days, I'll be putting this mess in bottles.  I'll give you an update on how it tastes in about 2 months.  I think next week I'll start making potato wine.  It's only about 3 steps away from vodka.  I figure what the hell.  I have time to make the transition from wine to vodka.

I also made 8 cups of plum jam.  I haven't made jam since I was a teenager, so it was kind of like doing it for the first time.  I didn't buy enough jars and there was sticky jam all over the kitchen.  Now I'm trying to find anyone who's interested in jam to give them some.  The jam tastes pretty good- it's just a lot sweeter than I'd like it to be.  But it'll be the perfect backdrop for my homemade barbecue sauce which will be made later this week.  I think I'll be using some of that jam to cover my regular booty call- he already said he's open to it.  

All that's left on my short list of projects is to make the complex, Mexican sauce known as mole.  This is a dish that I've seen on numerous travel shows and cooking shows but know that it's so involved that my Mexican grandmother won't make it.  I've got a good recipe that calls for 20 ingredients, all of which need to be roasted, ground down and mixed together.  This will take all day.  But I've got nothing but free time, so why not.  

I'll keep you posted on my culinary experiments.  I know you thought all I did was have ridiculous experiences with boys.  But even the Wildhairgirl likes to kick it up a notch in the kitchen.

 

The Golden Rule of Dating- No Psychos!

Although I usually meet men via Craigslist, every now and then I meet men while being outside. A few weeks ago, I had just such an encounter.  Now granted, I was at a bookstore so I could meet a guy in the stairwell and give him my underwear but I was outside nonetheless.  So when I was leaving the bookstore, I got on the elevator to the parking lot.  As the door was starting to close, a man came running towards it and asked me to hold the elevator.  Normally this request would result in me closing the door on his face.  It's never intentional; I just never press the right button.  But today luck was on his side.  The door opened up and after he got on, he proceeded to introduce himself.  He was kind of cute and very friendly.  After talking to him for about 20 minutes in the parking lot, he suggested we go get a drink.  2 hours and a few margaritas later, we're walking back to our cars making out on the street like teenagers.  Some heavy petting ensued and we make plans to get together later that week. 

Roger calls me the next day and asks if we can move our date up because he doesn't want to wait until Friday.  I'm flattered and happily say yes.  He tries to invite himself over to my house for dinner.  But I don't know him that well and I don't want to clean my house for him; I barely do that for people I already know.  When he hears the hesitation in my voice, he suggests taking me out to dinner.  Since I don't get many dinner invites, I wasn't exactly sure what to do.  But after a few seconds of astonishment, I say yes.  We meet for dinner, have drinks and some naked touching.  All in all, a good time so we make plans to go out again.

A few days later Roger and I have plans to go out on a Saturday.  We don't meet up until after 8pm, we decide to go and have drinks but no dinner.  All night long we go to bar after bar and having a pretty good time.  At the last bar of the night, I notice that Roger is chewing the plastic straws on the bar like there is no tomorrow.  I say to him, how many of those straws are you going chew?  And without a second thought, he flips out!  He snaps at me, when do you plan on paying for a drink?  And you didn't even say thank you for the dinner I bought you!  Now when he starts in on this, I start thinking "I need to leave".  But it's 1:30am, I'm a half hour from home, he drove and public transit stopped running an hour ago.  I immediately start thinking about a friend who lives about 10 minutes from there and wonder if he'll answer his cell phone when I call.  Eventually I get Roger to calm down and we leave the bar.  

We go back to my house and have a nice time.  The next day I get a text from Roger asking if I've ever been truthful.  It seemed odd but I just let it go.  I see him a few days later at his house, where he tells me about his childhood filled with abuse and molestation.  I listen and try to be supportive but all the while I'm thinking, "that explains a lot".  You have to understand, Roger is a conservative, religious type and with some rage issues.  Granted I didn't know about these problems when I met him- he seemed totally reasonable.  So even though he knew I'm very liberal and non-religious, he still wanted to hang out with me.  So I thought, I should try and be as understanding.  After I leave his house, I get a text from Roger.  This time he calls me a motherfucking liar.  I immediately write back asking if this text is for me.  When I don't hear from him, I can only assume that it was for me.   

A week passes and Roger calls to ask why hasn't he heard from me.  I tell him about the text and he says it wasn't for me and that he's sorry I got it.  So we're talking on the phone and I'm trying to think of a way to say to him I don't want to see him anymore without being shitty.  I say we can get together and hang out but it can't lead to sex; I'm uncomfortable with it.  We continue to talk and he tells me a story of how the girl that was serving his dinner belittled him.  I tell him that he should let it go.  He asks what would I have done.  I say I would have rolled my eyes, said whatever and went about my business.  I don't care what the food server has to say, we're not peers or collegues.  I tell him again, "you over reacted" and "you should let it go".  He kept saying that she was belitting him.  We go back and forth on this for a while and then he hangs up on me!  What the hell!  We're not 17 and in high school.  Hanging up on someone is no way to prove that you don't overeact.  I immediately get a nasty text from him. I'm greeted the next morning to another nasty text.  

Now I knew he had the perfect background to be full blown crazy; abused, molestated, religious and conservative.  To be honest, I don't even know why he chose to talk to me given how different our beliefs are.  One of my sisters asked if he'd ever been to my house and then mentioned that I should be careful because he might show up at my house.  Thanks alot.  Now I'm worried that any time I open the door, he could be outside or that I'll come home and see something spray painted on the side of my house.  A week passed and then I was greeted by another nasty text.  So far there hasn't been any problems aside from a random text but I still worry.  That's the last time I try to go out with someone who's believes are so different than mine.

This experience reinforced what a friend said to me-remember the golden rule of dating, No Psychos!

Bored with Casual Sex

Earlier this week I came to startling realization- I'm bored with casual sex. I didn't even think this was possible. I love the fact that I can and have, had sex with someone different every night of the week. Thank you internet dating. I had just left a hook up and while replaying the events in my head, I started being agitated. The guy I had been with-Peter- was a little more demanding than I like a casual hook up to be.  We met under the guise of having a more "serious" relationship.  But when our first meeting was going to be at his hotel room, I knew that more serious relationship talk was just a ruse.  

So now I find myself in a position where I have to act like I'm interested in doing whatever they feel like doing.  I maintain my personal limits but with some people, I have to spend a lot of time reinforcing my boundaries.  I find myself having to explain that I don't like having sperm anywhere on my body, that everything needs to stay out of my butt and that if they try to break those rules, I'm punching them in the face.  Add to that the never ending battle of requests from my partners: will you dress slutty, talk dirty to me, reenact the Karma Sutra, have sex with someone else while they watch and the ever popular- do you like girls?  

What I want to know is, can't someone just be interested in having sex with me without all the add ons?  I'm bringing my great rack, excellent blow job skills and a willingness to have a lot of sex. Can't that be enough?  Why do I have to be the embodiment of all things pornographic? Just because you saw it in a movie or think about it when you're jerking off, doesn't mean I want to do it. And if I happen to drunk enough or high enough to agree to one of your requests, don't expect me to be excited.  Just be happy that you got over on me.

I guess I need to put some energy into finding a proper relationship.  That way I don't have to keep my shoes on during sex, wear a wig or do anything extra.  Finding someone to keep around is a lot harder than hooking up with random dudes.  And unfortunately I'm incredibly lazy, so I probably won't find a good man but instead will keep saying, "That's on my no list".  

Help I'm addicted to Craigslist

So this afternoon as I was getting into the car,  a strange sensation came over me.  I tried to shrug it off but it just wouldn't go away.  And then it hit me, I might be suffering from an addiction.  I've seen Intervention, I know some of the signs of addiction: lying, cravings, irresponsiblity, lack of focus.  I wasn't suffering from any of those things.  But I did feel like something was going on.  And then it hit me- I'm addicted to Craigslist.

For anyone who's been under a rock, Craigslist is a website that offers everything from jobs, dates and items for sale.  Hell they even made a movie about it- 24 hours on Craigslist.   For me it's like a magically fantasy land on the web where anything I could possibly want is available. A new job, it's there.  A free concert ticket, it's there.  A used pair of Conga drums, it's there.  A guy who would buy me dinner and then provide me with any or all of the following: drinks, sex, drugs- it's there.  

So now I find myself searching Craigslist everyday like my life depended on it. And being a fairly attractive woman gives me the freedom to use Craigslist like a giant shopping center.  It is my favorite place to find booty calls and other kinds of random sexual acts.  Among the things I've replied to and done: giving my underwear to a stranger in a stairwell, overindulging in weed that someone else provides, nude sunbathing (I have brown skin already) and getting a massage with an oral finish.  

The unbridled power I feel from doing these things has led me to want to challenge Craigslist.  I now find myself trying to think of what I could ask for on Craigslist that someone would say no to.  When I asked for someone to smoke me out and eat me out, over 125 people said they would. When I asked for someone to take me to a dinner of my choosing, 100 people said they'd be happy to have my company.  When I asked if someone would have sex with a fat, lazy girl with an unflattering description, who wouldn't be doing anything extra (not an accurate description of myself), 200 people were interested.  And it wasn't your usual lot of chubby chasers.  

So I'm taking suggestions on what to ask for.  If you have a suggestion, please shoot it over to me. I'll be sure to consider it seriously while I'm trying to figure out what the nude handyman should fix at my house.  

On Vacation

About a month ago, I had the good fortune to take a trip to Mexico.  I spent two weeks driving around Northern Mexico by myself.  Luckily my Spanish is good enough to make traveling alone in Mexico a possiblity.  So after a few days with my family, I was ready for some adventures and they were lurking just around the corner.  I got into a perfectly preserved colonial town called Alamos.  It was the kind of town that you see on travel shows; the people are friendly, the streets are easy to navigate, there's something great to look at on every street and the citizens happily mingle with tourists.  

So in this beautiful setting, I found myself desperately looking for someplace to hide from the scorching heat.  I had already talked to the cute tourism information guy for longer than I wanted to but his office was air conditioned and there was cold water.  And I couldn't drink any more beer in the park- I looked like a degenerate alcoholic.  A small note about drinking in Mexico and most of Latin America.  Once you get out of the areas that cater to drunk Americans, you don't see women drinking on the street or in bars.  The only kind of women that are in bars are the kind you pay for.  So in my quest to find someplace away from the sun - it was 106 degrees-I walked past a bar with  music coming out of it.  Since I know I couldn't look any worse than I did drinking beer in the park, I entered the bar.

As I walked in, I was greeted by a sea of men wearing cowboy hats.  It felt like everyone looked up at once when I walked in.  And everyone watched me walk over to the bar and order a drink. As I sat at a table, I realized I'd walked into the Mexican equivalent of "Bob's Country Bunker" from the original Blues Brothers movie.  They had the requisite taxidermy animals on the walls, people spitting on the floor and a crappy band playing Banda music.  Most of the crowd was drunk and this place only served beer.  It was 3 o'clock in the afternoon!   Clearly some of these people had tequila for breakfast.  There were two other women in the bar- one I'm positive had been a man before and the other one was really fat and not wearing enough clothes to cover her gut or varicose veins.  

As I sat by myself drinking a beer, every drunk guy in the place felt like the thing to do was come by and talk to me.  It was like being on the worse dating game ever.  Thankfully some old guy next to me bought me another drink and didn't try to talk to me.  While sitting there, I decided to check out the band.  As I looked at the band, I noticed that the bass player was very cute.  I immediately decided to stick around until the band took a break so I could talk to the bass player.  I'm on vacation, shouldn't I be throwing myself at some two-bit musician?

So the band goes on a break and I walk up to the bass player and introduce myself.  He looks young but he's cute, so I'm over it.  We talk a little bit and he tells me to come back around 6pm when the band will be done.  So I went back to my hotel to take a shower and a nap.  I wake up from my nap at 7:30 and decide that hooking up with the bass player wasn't meant to be.  So I get dressed and go out to get two tacos and a beer- the perfect Mexican meal.  While I'm looking for my tacos, I hear someone call my name. It's the bass player.  

He invites me to join him and his friend.  They're driving out to a look out point in the city. Against my better judgement, I get in the mini-van with them.  About five minutes into the ride, I start thinking about how this is clearly the worst decision I've ever made and I will probably not make it out of this situation.  But the bass player is kind of drunk and keeping trying to make out with me.  He tells his friend to take us back to my hotel.  

We go back to my hotel room and the bass player proceeds to throw himself at me.  I ask him how old he is.  He says 20.  I ask him if he knows how old I am, he's say 40.  I'm quick to point out I'm not 40.  I ask him again how old he is, he says 25.  I figure he's probably 20 but he's already in my room, so I say fuck it.  He's fighting me about using a condom.  He says he doesn't have anything and I say me neither but I don't know what you've been doing up until this point. But I know what I've been doing up until that point and it's in everyone's best interest to use condoms.  We then proceed to have the most unsatisfying, stupid, uninspired sex ever.  In the middle of it, I start thinking that if I'd gotten my two tacos, I would be more satisfied.  Now I'm trying to find the words to tell him to finish up and get out.  I can't tell him he sucks at this or that I want to get tacos instead of having sex with him.  

He finally finishes up and I immediately start getting dressed.  While we're having awkward post sex conversation, the bass player tells me that he's 19 years old.  I kind of freak out.  This kid is half my age!  And while he's "of age", I don't want to be having sex with teenagers.  So while I'm having a mini freak out, the bass player is still talking.  I have no idea what he's saying because all I can think is: I should have gotten those tacos and when is he leaving?  I tell him he has to leave.  I walk him out of the hotel and he asks me when will he see me again.  What?!  I don't want that crappy sex again.  I tell him probably never-I'm leaving town the next day.  He leans in and gives me a kiss on the cheek.  And then whispers into my ear- I'm really only 18!

I go back to my room to try and shake off what I'd just heard.  And then it hits me, that bass player was probably only 17 years old.  Damn!  I didn't want to go on vacation and become a child molester.  So now I require ID every time I meet someone who looks young.    

The Question of Farts

This past weekend I found myself in a situation that that I'm sure has come up for more women then we'd like to admit. I needed to fart and didn't feel like I could wouldn't it being noticed. Let me give you the background.

After a night of indulging in a leafy green substance with a male friend (Sam)-who much to my dismay was being a complete gentleman-I needed to spend the night at his house. While I enjoyed the comfort of his bed, he slept in a chair. I tried to get him to join me in the bed but when he didn't take my bait, I decided to let it go-I was too tired to put much energy into it. When the morning came, I woke up and realized I needed to fart. I knew I couldn't use the the bathroom; aside from being out of toilet paper, the bathroom opened into the bedroom. And if I fart in the bathroom, Sam will hear it; I haven't known him long enough for that to be ok. I thought about letting it out in the bed but I could tell that it was the kind of fart that was going to make a lot of noise. Not smelly, just noisy. Since he was in a chair just to my right, I made the only decision I could- I sucked that fart back into my body.

Now I had a stomach ache from sucking in my fart and I realized I needed to get out of there. But I didn't want to leave- I was holding out for breakfast. In our hazy state, Sam had said he would make bacon and eggs for breakfast. I love bacon, so I had to stick around. Also Sam had talked up his skills with eggs to the point where even a person who generally doesn't eat eggs (me) wanted them. I mean, there hadn't been any inappropriate touching- the least he could do was make me breakfast. So now I was in a battle between my belly and butt. Both needed attention but only one could win.

I continued to lie in the bed, wishing I could fart. I let out a little fart to see if that was an option but it made noise and I start to worry that Sam would hear me. Now many of friends told me that I should have farted and let that be the end of that. But I knew that if Sam farted in my presence, I'd think he was a pig. So there I was stuck sucking in my farts waiting for Sam to wake up and walk out of the room. How did my life come to this?

Eventually I got out of the bed and Sam woke up. We started talking about the breakfast that I'd been waiting for. Finally I thought, I'll get something I want. After a few minutes of talking, Sam remembers that we cooked all of the bacon the night before so breakfast is out of the question. What?! I stayed here all morning, holding in this fart for nothing! What the fuck! Now I have to get out of there and not look pissed. Luckily one of the positive side effects of overindulging, is that no one questions when you get up and say I gotta go.

So as I walked out into the bright daylight, I was still holding in my fart and trying not to be angry about not getting breakfast. Once I got in the car, I let that fart go and almost immediately was over not getting breakfast. The next time I talked to Sam, he invited me over for more leafy indulgence. I passed because I didn't want another night of no inappropriate touching and having to hold in my farts.

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day and while that doesn't exact fit into the overall theme of this blog, I think it's worth talking about.  I come from a large family- I have five younger sisters (no brothers)-so birthdays and holidays are usually a big deal.  When it's a birthday or holiday that pertains to my parents, my sisters and I have stopped trying to do something nice.  Now we try to think of the most embarrassing/shameful/ridiculous experience possible.  

To give you some idea of what I'm talking about, here are some things we've done in the past: wearing old prom and bridemaids dresses to Thanksgiving dinner, wearing big stupid hats at a college graduation, bringing signs to restaurants, pretending to faint because we haven't started eating.  It's in this vein, that my sisters and I decided that the only way to celebrate Mother's day was to take our mother bowling.  Recognize that no one in my family bowls and going bowling is not anything that we would normally do.  But we liked that bowling was as close as you can get to doing nothing while still doing something.  We also liked that bowling was time controlled- 2 hours. 

After making this momentus decision, I had to tell my dad what our plans were.  I could tell that he was hoping for something nicer when he said "Bowling?  That's what you really want to do?".  I told him how fun it would be and why not.  Lucky for me, my father has given up on trying to make sense out of my decisions.  Since we were going for ridiculous, we decided to get the party pack and make a party out of it.  We brought cake, everyone wore shirts with funny sayings and I got my mom a bowling shirt.  And much to my surprise, we all had a very good time.  We had such a good time in fact, we're thinking of doing the same thing for father's day.  

The nice thing about my mom is that she just wanted to spend time with her daughters on mother's day.  All the while keeping hope alive that one of us will give her the gift she really wants on mother's day- a son-in-law. She doesn't like it when we call our dogs her "granddogs" or get drunk at family events but she still loves us anyway.  So I'd like to say happy mother's day mom!  Here's hoping that I can keep doing questionable things behind my mother's back. 

So here we are

I'd like to start by welcoming everyone who's wondered onto this site.  I hope this blog doesn't turn out to be another big waste of your time.  If you're still reading, then I  might have you hooked or you have a lot of free time.  I have a lot of free time, so I thought "why not start a blog".  Living in the SF bay area and being a fairly attractive woman,  I've been leading a pretty fun life. But sometimes a situation comes up that no one ever prepared me for.  Combine that with my willingness to make bad decisions and I have a wealth of knowledge to share.  

I'll share my stories of the different things that have happened and how I handled it.  Feel free to email me with questions, I love giving my opinion.  Thanks for reading.

The Wildhairgirl