The Golden Rule of Dating- No Psychos!

Although I usually meet men via Craigslist, every now and then I meet men while being outside. A few weeks ago, I had just such an encounter.  Now granted, I was at a bookstore so I could meet a guy in the stairwell and give him my underwear but I was outside nonetheless.  So when I was leaving the bookstore, I got on the elevator to the parking lot.  As the door was starting to close, a man came running towards it and asked me to hold the elevator.  Normally this request would result in me closing the door on his face.  It's never intentional; I just never press the right button.  But today luck was on his side.  The door opened up and after he got on, he proceeded to introduce himself.  He was kind of cute and very friendly.  After talking to him for about 20 minutes in the parking lot, he suggested we go get a drink.  2 hours and a few margaritas later, we're walking back to our cars making out on the street like teenagers.  Some heavy petting ensued and we make plans to get together later that week. 

Roger calls me the next day and asks if we can move our date up because he doesn't want to wait until Friday.  I'm flattered and happily say yes.  He tries to invite himself over to my house for dinner.  But I don't know him that well and I don't want to clean my house for him; I barely do that for people I already know.  When he hears the hesitation in my voice, he suggests taking me out to dinner.  Since I don't get many dinner invites, I wasn't exactly sure what to do.  But after a few seconds of astonishment, I say yes.  We meet for dinner, have drinks and some naked touching.  All in all, a good time so we make plans to go out again.

A few days later Roger and I have plans to go out on a Saturday.  We don't meet up until after 8pm, we decide to go and have drinks but no dinner.  All night long we go to bar after bar and having a pretty good time.  At the last bar of the night, I notice that Roger is chewing the plastic straws on the bar like there is no tomorrow.  I say to him, how many of those straws are you going chew?  And without a second thought, he flips out!  He snaps at me, when do you plan on paying for a drink?  And you didn't even say thank you for the dinner I bought you!  Now when he starts in on this, I start thinking "I need to leave".  But it's 1:30am, I'm a half hour from home, he drove and public transit stopped running an hour ago.  I immediately start thinking about a friend who lives about 10 minutes from there and wonder if he'll answer his cell phone when I call.  Eventually I get Roger to calm down and we leave the bar.  

We go back to my house and have a nice time.  The next day I get a text from Roger asking if I've ever been truthful.  It seemed odd but I just let it go.  I see him a few days later at his house, where he tells me about his childhood filled with abuse and molestation.  I listen and try to be supportive but all the while I'm thinking, "that explains a lot".  You have to understand, Roger is a conservative, religious type and with some rage issues.  Granted I didn't know about these problems when I met him- he seemed totally reasonable.  So even though he knew I'm very liberal and non-religious, he still wanted to hang out with me.  So I thought, I should try and be as understanding.  After I leave his house, I get a text from Roger.  This time he calls me a motherfucking liar.  I immediately write back asking if this text is for me.  When I don't hear from him, I can only assume that it was for me.   

A week passes and Roger calls to ask why hasn't he heard from me.  I tell him about the text and he says it wasn't for me and that he's sorry I got it.  So we're talking on the phone and I'm trying to think of a way to say to him I don't want to see him anymore without being shitty.  I say we can get together and hang out but it can't lead to sex; I'm uncomfortable with it.  We continue to talk and he tells me a story of how the girl that was serving his dinner belittled him.  I tell him that he should let it go.  He asks what would I have done.  I say I would have rolled my eyes, said whatever and went about my business.  I don't care what the food server has to say, we're not peers or collegues.  I tell him again, "you over reacted" and "you should let it go".  He kept saying that she was belitting him.  We go back and forth on this for a while and then he hangs up on me!  What the hell!  We're not 17 and in high school.  Hanging up on someone is no way to prove that you don't overeact.  I immediately get a nasty text from him. I'm greeted the next morning to another nasty text.  

Now I knew he had the perfect background to be full blown crazy; abused, molestated, religious and conservative.  To be honest, I don't even know why he chose to talk to me given how different our beliefs are.  One of my sisters asked if he'd ever been to my house and then mentioned that I should be careful because he might show up at my house.  Thanks alot.  Now I'm worried that any time I open the door, he could be outside or that I'll come home and see something spray painted on the side of my house.  A week passed and then I was greeted by another nasty text.  So far there hasn't been any problems aside from a random text but I still worry.  That's the last time I try to go out with someone who's believes are so different than mine.

This experience reinforced what a friend said to me-remember the golden rule of dating, No Psychos!